[ she has long thought this. that if she had been there, she could have done something to prevent it. they'd have stood a chance. she has never considered before that it was not her failing that kept her from being there, but the jarl's. that he was the one who doomed their people, out of hypocrisy and cowardice.
it makes her useless. frozen by the senselessness of it all, by the sudden deluge of grief that she has postponed her whole life. the tears come quietly at first, but she can't stop them, and they only escalate into tremulous sobs that rack her whole body. she is made weak by the injustice of it. the gaping sense of loss not just of her people and her place among them, but loss of her orientation around a world that made sense, that had ascribed a logic to her suffering.
she tries to reply, but her thoughts can't cohere into words. ]
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it makes her useless. frozen by the senselessness of it all, by the sudden deluge of grief that she has postponed her whole life. the tears come quietly at first, but she can't stop them, and they only escalate into tremulous sobs that rack her whole body. she is made weak by the injustice of it. the gaping sense of loss not just of her people and her place among them, but loss of her orientation around a world that made sense, that had ascribed a logic to her suffering.
she tries to reply, but her thoughts can't cohere into words. ]