[ She lets that sit for while, drunken and upset at she is, she is not exactly at her best or most clear.

The only thing that comes to the one idea, again and again. ]

'm afraid, Aristaeus, think been afraid my... my whole life. I don't.... don't remember when... when I wasn't. Don't know... don't know how to be...

Not until... the awful, horrible thing... that... that made Murphy all... all mean.

Not until it took it away.