( the little he's seen of cesare hadn't done much to endear him, of course, but he can hear the raw pain in her voice. knows just how deeply it must cut her, giving him up. )
( they're practically family, he'd told her once; he'd meant it. whatever else had happened would be dealt with as soon as he got there. )
That's good. With how the Void was encroaching on the town earlier this month, I wouldn't put it past some of the creatures to try their luck. ( it was at least part of the reason he'd been spending more time outdoors: keeping an eye out for anything venturing too close to their homes. )
I was thinking about getting the cabin warded. ( idly, he gathers his things, packing them away in his sling bag. )
There's definitely something to this place. ( it hadn't escaped his notice how the void fractures had appeared during the duchess' illness. )
Murphy wants them to be able to keep back John Gaius. ( which will make things complicated with mavis. ) And he's Ianthe's leader, isn't he? I wouldn't want to cause her trouble.
But she loves me as I love her, I know if I were to request it, as a favour to me on Murphy's behalf, she would honour it as that. Then neither she nor Mavis would be in an imposition or insult.
... But if not her, Madam Maximoff or Doctor Strange would both perhaps have such skills?
[ Understanding only too well that her opinion is not often shared. ]
We have... fundamental differences in rulership.
[ That will do!! ]
... I can say I know him some, at least, well enough I call him friend. But he is a good man, and thoughtful, if you were to ask him, he would be sure not to say no...
Mavis is fond of him, Gaius. ( for his part, he'd been ambivalent. john gaius was powerful, that much had always been clear to him, but other than that he was a slippery sort. difficult to pin down.
it makes him cautious.
but gilia's answer begs more questions. he sets these aside for now, pulling the door to the cabin shut behind him and locking it. )
I'll mention the offer to her, see what she thinks. ( while the cabin will need to be warded, he won't act against her wishes if it can be avoided. )
I know you are. ( a smile in his voice, fond. it was one of the reasons her message concerned him — she was much too good, much too kind, to endure any sort of heartache as far as he was concerned, much less at the hands of someone like cesare borgia. )
On my way to you now; won't be too long. ( he's moving at a rapid clip, long legs eating up the ground. ) I'll knock.
[ She leaves it there, where she sits nursing her glass in slow long mouthfuls where she drains the heavy liquor in sips. It is easy to see what she meant when he does arrive, the felled tree in the yard was shattered, as if hit by the great force, splintered in the shatter at the base, laying flat across the yard like a toppled grave-marker.
When she hears the knock, it is an empty expression that greets him, her skin a pallid tone of exhaustion, that strained red of her eyes in the dim fire-light of the room. Her daygown wraps her shapeless but comfortable over her shift, her hair loose in one long braid, and the air is thick with sea-salt. Waving him in, she does her best attempt to be something like cordial. ]
Thank you. Would you... would you like anything? I have food made, or uhm - [ Shuts her eyes, struggles hard to think it through, as if there could not be more a sign of state than how courteous she always tried to be, and yet how little she could muster the order she knew to do it in. ] - uhm, something to warm you?
( it would be wrong to say that he doesn't clock the tree immediately, doesn't wonder just what circumstances led to such destruction. but he sets aside those concerns for now.
gilia opens the door when he knocks, and he places a hand on her shoulder before she can even get to mentioning food. )
I'll have whatever you're having. ( she'd called for companionship, after all, and while the alcohol will do nothing for him, she certainly doesn't need to know that.
musters a smile and a nod, then follows her inside, pulling the door shut behind him. sets down his bag and begins to toe off his boots. )
[ Really, it was better than only one of them was affected, or more exactly - be this much of a mess.
She is swaying that little bit, her dress falling loose from one shoulder as she took him over to the long lounge chair that was her, and then Gala's, makeshift bed. On the fireplace there was stew still warm, and one empty, and another, half full, set of bottles on the top of the mantle that truthfully - if he's having what she's having: it was that. ]
You really did not have too, come all at once. If Murphy or - Mavis need of you, of course, you need not stay or -
[ Fishing the bottle, she takes a spare cup and pours it for him - deep as she had been pouring it for herself. ]
... I just... you are often, the one who is so much like me. Different, but you do not... do as they do, here, or like everyone else's home, and I just could not bare it - right now.
They'll be fine. If they need me, they know how to reach me. ( mavis needed space right now, time to process a long-overdue revelation, and murphy was keeping an eye on her in the meantime. the last thing either of them probably needed or wanted was for him to hover.
he settles into the lounge chair, stretching out his long legs. when she passes him the cup, he'll accept it gratefully. )
How's your friend from home been coping? ( tipping the glass back against his lips, he feels the warmth of the alcohol spread through him as he waits for her answer. )
[ She sits beside him, facing him. One leg curling under her comfortably to just - attempt to be relaxed as best she can. Something strange about a hurt that is old and yet new, and somehow never healed in between. ]
As well as can be expected. She worries for me constantly. It's like she thinks something will happen to me if she turns her back on me.
[ There is everything that has happened in the caves. But she is still processing that, for another day. ]
I sent her away earlier, before I knew Cesare was coming. If nothing else, I worried she would have run him through.
( privately, he thinks cesare might've benefitted from some light stabbing — but... well. gilia still cared for him, enough to send him away when things became tenuous. he'd do his best to respect that. )
Personally, I think we often underestimate you, Gilia. ( that's one of the reasons she'd stuck under the radar as a proxy for so long. nobody could fathom her being capable of such violence. more the fool them. ) Look at all you've accomplished since coming here.
[ She takes another mouthful, pulling a face as she does before she covers her mouth to get it down with a ragged breathe. ]
What is that, Aristaeus? I fear I cannot see naught but my failures, my wrongs, and how pride has got me a broken heart. Trying to put in parts that do not fit and call it contentment.
( they haven't talked about this, not since it happened. he's always been unsure how to approach the topic — whether it would be welcomed at all. part of him feels exposed, ashamed of what she might think in light of what she now knows — or thinks she knows.
but the fact remains that he would have stayed behind there, would have lost his tenuous grip on sanity, if she hadn't snapped him out of it. )
You opened my eyes to something incredible, something I'm still trying to process. It's a bit of a mind-bender, but I'm thankful nonetheless.
[ Her eyes well, for that, not in pain or misery, but to know she had helped him, it felt so good to hear that for once she had done something right when her life felt so long a series of mistakes. ]
I was never sure if I wanted to tell you I am glad you came back with us, or to say sorry. I know - I know many would not understand it... but I know a different sort of connection, and how much it hurts to be pulled away.
My people are born that way — connected. Some handle the distance better than others, but extended separation is always a struggle, even for the more resilient among us.
( he takes another sip from his cup, trying to find the right words to explain himself.
her likening slender's control to a song lingers in his thoughts: beautiful yet terrible, its absense more of a torment than a comfort. )
I've been away from my home for a long time. And knowing that I can't ever truly go back doesn't make the loss any easier. But I don't blame you for what you did. It was necessary.
[ She extends herself to lean on the back of the lounge to face him. ]
Perhaps because I know it differently but well. Every day I wake, and I cannot find the sea. I walk on this river and I want to weep. Only in those dreams did... did I have it again, or elsewise, the longing was gone from me.
[ She picks at a thread on her gown. ]
Do you ever worry that all of this, lovers and friends, it is simply seeking to drown the ache? Some missed placed attempt when the truth is, you shall never find that again?
( he twists the cup around in his hands, feeling the smooth surface against his fingertips. )
Often.
( it didn't escape his notice that the dynamic between him, mavis, and murphy echoed the one he'd had with ione and leto — at least in the most general sense.
it also didn't bring him comfort. ) I know myself well enough by now to understand that I either love or I don't, there's no middle ground. And I'd rather have them than be alone.
I thought I was doing what I had to. To keep myself safe and calm my Sea and its longing. But... but Queen Alicent said that I had given Cesare insult beyond words that no one could accept. That he wouldn't, and couldn't move past. They all said the same thing, that it was about one person, and utmost loyalty to the one person.
[ She sets her chin. ] ... and I ignored it and ignored what they all said... and now... is the fault mine? Am I too selfish in my desires? How can it be love if all I do is hurt those I say I love?
[ The tears are there again, as she hastily swallows down another mouthful. ] But I do not know how to be other than this. I was raised to be many. To be part of all those around me, and to give as the Sea gave to me. To share in all things but... but if it is selfishness...?
Edited (hit enter too early!!) 2024-04-22 17:43 (UTC)
Cesare seems very thin-skinned from what I've seen. ( frankly, although not unkindly.
he'd been like a porcupine on the network, easily provoked into showing his bristles. a generous man would recognize the insecurity beneath this, but he wasn't feeling particularly generous. )
Did he ever express his feelings to you about the others? It seems he just assumed that your ways were his ways and never bothered to look beyond that.
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( the little he's seen of cesare hadn't done much to endear him, of course, but he can hear the raw pain in her voice. knows just how deeply it must cut her, giving him up. )
I'll stay with you as long as you need.
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[ that's all she can truly feel beyond choosing to be numb. ]
The... the tree was me. When you get here. Not... a yeti, or some other foul beast of the void.
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( they're practically family, he'd told her once; he'd meant it. whatever else had happened would be dealt with as soon as he got there. )
That's good. With how the Void was encroaching on the town earlier this month, I wouldn't put it past some of the creatures to try their luck. ( it was at least part of the reason he'd been spending more time outdoors: keeping an eye out for anything venturing too close to their homes. )
I was thinking about getting the cabin warded. ( idly, he gathers his things, packing them away in his sling bag. )
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[ Or is it? Who knows. ]
I know Ianthe does them. I could ask her for you?
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Murphy wants them to be able to keep back John Gaius. ( which will make things complicated with mavis. ) And he's Ianthe's leader, isn't he? I wouldn't want to cause her trouble.
Thank you though, Gilia.
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[ AWKWARD COUGH. ]
But she loves me as I love her, I know if I were to request it, as a favour to me on Murphy's behalf, she would honour it as that. Then neither she nor Mavis would be in an imposition or insult.
... But if not her, Madam Maximoff or Doctor Strange would both perhaps have such skills?
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( a question as much as a statement. but it makes sense, he supposes, particularly after the entire slender debacle. )
I considered asking Doctor Strange for help since he seemed open to it before, but I don't know him too well.
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We have... fundamental differences in rulership.
[ That will do!! ]
... I can say I know him some, at least, well enough I call him friend. But he is a good man, and thoughtful, if you were to ask him, he would be sure not to say no...
... And if not, say that it is a favour to me.
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it makes him cautious.
but gilia's answer begs more questions. he sets these aside for now, pulling the door to the cabin shut behind him and locking it. )
I'll mention the offer to her, see what she thinks. ( while the cabin will need to be warded, he won't act against her wishes if it can be avoided. )
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[ TIPTOE, but as Quentin had worked out, there was nothing more telling than Gilia's absent opinion on her lack of a favourable one. ]
I am always happy to help. [ But - he had always known she would. ] I shall see you soon?
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On my way to you now; won't be too long. ( he's moving at a rapid clip, long legs eating up the ground. ) I'll knock.
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[ She leaves it there, where she sits nursing her glass in slow long mouthfuls where she drains the heavy liquor in sips. It is easy to see what she meant when he does arrive, the felled tree in the yard was shattered, as if hit by the great force, splintered in the shatter at the base, laying flat across the yard like a toppled grave-marker.
When she hears the knock, it is an empty expression that greets him, her skin a pallid tone of exhaustion, that strained red of her eyes in the dim fire-light of the room. Her daygown wraps her shapeless but comfortable over her shift, her hair loose in one long braid, and the air is thick with sea-salt. Waving him in, she does her best attempt to be something like cordial. ]
Thank you. Would you... would you like anything? I have food made, or uhm - [ Shuts her eyes, struggles hard to think it through, as if there could not be more a sign of state than how courteous she always tried to be, and yet how little she could muster the order she knew to do it in. ] - uhm, something to warm you?
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gilia opens the door when he knocks, and he places a hand on her shoulder before she can even get to mentioning food. )
I'll have whatever you're having. ( she'd called for companionship, after all, and while the alcohol will do nothing for him, she certainly doesn't need to know that.
musters a smile and a nod, then follows her inside, pulling the door shut behind him. sets down his bag and begins to toe off his boots. )
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She is swaying that little bit, her dress falling loose from one shoulder as she took him over to the long lounge chair that was her, and then Gala's, makeshift bed. On the fireplace there was stew still warm, and one empty, and another, half full, set of bottles on the top of the mantle that truthfully - if he's having what she's having: it was that. ]
You really did not have too, come all at once. If Murphy or - Mavis need of you, of course, you need not stay or -
[ Fishing the bottle, she takes a spare cup and pours it for him - deep as she had been pouring it for herself. ]
... I just... you are often, the one who is so much like me. Different, but you do not... do as they do, here, or like everyone else's home, and I just could not bare it - right now.
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he settles into the lounge chair, stretching out his long legs. when she passes him the cup, he'll accept it gratefully. )
How's your friend from home been coping? ( tipping the glass back against his lips, he feels the warmth of the alcohol spread through him as he waits for her answer. )
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As well as can be expected. She worries for me constantly. It's like she thinks something will happen to me if she turns her back on me.
[ There is everything that has happened in the caves. But she is still processing that, for another day. ]
I sent her away earlier, before I knew Cesare was coming. If nothing else, I worried she would have run him through.
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( privately, he thinks cesare might've benefitted from some light stabbing — but... well. gilia still cared for him, enough to send him away when things became tenuous. he'd do his best to respect that. )
Personally, I think we often underestimate you, Gilia. ( that's one of the reasons she'd stuck under the radar as a proxy for so long. nobody could fathom her being capable of such violence. more the fool them. ) Look at all you've accomplished since coming here.
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What is that, Aristaeus? I fear I cannot see naught but my failures, my wrongs, and how pride has got me a broken heart. Trying to put in parts that do not fit and call it contentment.
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( they haven't talked about this, not since it happened. he's always been unsure how to approach the topic — whether it would be welcomed at all. part of him feels exposed, ashamed of what she might think in light of what she now knows — or thinks she knows.
but the fact remains that he would have stayed behind there, would have lost his tenuous grip on sanity, if she hadn't snapped him out of it. )
You opened my eyes to something incredible, something I'm still trying to process. It's a bit of a mind-bender, but I'm thankful nonetheless.
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I was never sure if I wanted to tell you I am glad you came back with us, or to say sorry. I know - I know many would not understand it... but I know a different sort of connection, and how much it hurts to be pulled away.
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( he takes another sip from his cup, trying to find the right words to explain himself.
her likening slender's control to a song lingers in his thoughts: beautiful yet terrible, its absense more of a torment than a comfort. )
I've been away from my home for a long time. And knowing that I can't ever truly go back doesn't make the loss any easier. But I don't blame you for what you did. It was necessary.
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[ She extends herself to lean on the back of the lounge to face him. ]
Perhaps because I know it differently but well. Every day I wake, and I cannot find the sea. I walk on this river and I want to weep. Only in those dreams did... did I have it again, or elsewise, the longing was gone from me.
[ She picks at a thread on her gown. ]
Do you ever worry that all of this, lovers and friends, it is simply seeking to drown the ache? Some missed placed attempt when the truth is, you shall never find that again?
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Often.
( it didn't escape his notice that the dynamic between him, mavis, and murphy echoed the one he'd had with ione and leto — at least in the most general sense.
it also didn't bring him comfort. ) I know myself well enough by now to understand that I either love or I don't, there's no middle ground. And I'd rather have them than be alone.
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[ She keeps picking, fidgetting. ]
I thought I was doing what I had to. To keep myself safe and calm my Sea and its longing. But... but Queen Alicent said that I had given Cesare insult beyond words that no one could accept. That he wouldn't, and couldn't move past. They all said the same thing, that it was about one person, and utmost loyalty to the one person.
[ She sets her chin. ] ... and I ignored it and ignored what they all said... and now... is the fault mine? Am I too selfish in my desires? How can it be love if all I do is hurt those I say I love?
[ The tears are there again, as she hastily swallows down another mouthful. ] But I do not know how to be other than this. I was raised to be many. To be part of all those around me, and to give as the Sea gave to me. To share in all things but... but if it is selfishness...?
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he'd been like a porcupine on the network, easily provoked into showing his bristles. a generous man would recognize the insecurity beneath this, but he wasn't feeling particularly generous. )
Did he ever express his feelings to you about the others? It seems he just assumed that your ways were his ways and never bothered to look beyond that.
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