The basics, that we - well, we shall always be married, as I am not permitted to end my marriages.
That there is great love between us, too, and I do not want him hurt.
But... we are no longer amicable with one another. In fact, we are bitterly set to each other about it all. That he pushed me, and I humiliated him in return. That all of it is a mess.
My people do not believe a marriage can ever be ended.
Simply we... change types. There is a type of marriage where you acknowledge what you have been together, but no longer live or share with one another.
That being why I said I released him of his vows to me, and his honour to me.
( well, sort of. killing cesare still seems like it would solve more problems than it caused, but he's also a tangential concern and aristaeus is reluctant to give him more attention than necessary. because fuck that guy, honestly. )
Well, like I said, I'd be happy to offer whatever help I can. Maybe you can bring her around to the cabin sometime so we can get a feeling for each other.
How little she had been, that day she met, so terrified and hiding and that she must have seemed so silly, something ridiculous he had to take care of.
All her care, she never expected it back. That seemed selfish.
But compared to the fights she has had of late, the struggle between Sweeney, Ianthe and Cesare, the shifting definitions that made it difficult. Made it feel like she had to ask rather than have it be given freely.
He just lays this at her feet with no preamble, no expectations.
The tears welling up, she can't manage it all the way to text this time, in a hiccupping, sniffling but happy voice. ]
You are family to me too, one-most-dear, Aristaeus, steady as you are, it has meant so much to me to know you are there.
I don't plan on going anywhere if I can help it. ( circumstances being what they are, there's more uncertainty now. more anxiety. perhaps that makes saying what needs to be said a little easier. )
[ She goes quiet at that, because there is something she had been thinking about a lot. Wiping her face and putting herself back together with that impossible happiness that beats in her chest. ]
Do you plan on staying in the village forever? Even if we should find a way to leave?
( strange as it is, he's made a life for himself here, has found a measure of peace. even contentment, recent events notwithstanding. but there's still a slight pause, drawn out as he circles around something he's still struggling to articulate. )
It wouldn't be good for me, I think, going back. Things would be different. I'd be different.
[ His position was even more precarious than hers was. Both of them had expectation, but the one on him was greater than even her own on those strict lines of error. ]
I understand. It seems what has passed here to so many of us - for good or for ill, we cannot be as we were.
[ She lets her eyes drift a moment. ]
Do you wish you can change it? Go back to what you were?
I think there'll always be a part of me that wants to go back. ( it can't be helped. so much of what he is, even now, is tied up with that place. if anything, rubilykskoye has only brought these aspects of himself into sharp relief: fierce, relentless, protective. ) It's in my blood.
( quite literally. )
But I've gained as much as I've lost — more, even. And I find myself wanting to hold onto that.
It will not be easy to, when I must do it, I know that much.
[ A sigh. It is dream like, sometimes, being here. She is free in a way she could never be at home. Even with the horror. But sometimes, perhaps because of it.]
Would you take Mavis and Murphy to your home? If you were able too?
( on the one hand, he knows it would end poorly — because it can't not. they would chafe against the strictures of his home, assuming they consented to come with him at all.
on the other hand, it is still his home, for all its flaws. will he ever not yearn for it? )
It would be difficult. ( which is only marginally better than admitting he doesn't know the answer. )
Yes, that is perhaps the best word for it, isn't it?
[ Though unbeknowst, it is just that. They would not be happy, save Sweeney, structured into a restrained life of harsh living they did not understand. ]
.... If it is not to be, here, and we find a way to our homes - you are welcome in my court, and in my household. Even if you did not stay, which I would understand naturally, our land is harsh, our ways unforgiving to outsiders, I would send you gladly with letters of introduction to any land you wish so you, Mavis and Murphy could establish a home with my support.
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How much does she know about Cesare? ( and how much will he need to keep from her? )
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That there is great love between us, too, and I do not want him hurt.
But... we are no longer amicable with one another. In fact, we are bitterly set to each other about it all. That he pushed me, and I humiliated him in return. That all of it is a mess.
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Simply we... change types. There is a type of marriage where you acknowledge what you have been together, but no longer live or share with one another.
That being why I said I released him of his vows to me, and his honour to me.
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( well, sort of. killing cesare still seems like it would solve more problems than it caused, but he's also a tangential concern and aristaeus is reluctant to give him more attention than necessary. because fuck that guy, honestly. )
Well, like I said, I'd be happy to offer whatever help I can. Maybe you can bring her around to the cabin sometime so we can get a feeling for each other.
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I think that would be wonderful.
Especially as at the moment, she is quite certain she must shadow me everywhere.
[ for some reason she is under the impression that gilia is liable to get horribly hurt - surely not!! ]
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Because truly, so many treat me so well, take such care of me, I will never account of it.
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Well, I suppose you can just mostly leave me to my own devices to get work done.
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( she saw something of his world. could probably fill in enough of the gaps. )
But since meeting you that first time, that's what you've been to me ㅡ family. Or as good as. It was never a question.
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How little she had been, that day she met, so terrified and hiding and that she must have seemed so silly, something ridiculous he had to take care of.
All her care, she never expected it back. That seemed selfish.
But compared to the fights she has had of late, the struggle between Sweeney, Ianthe and Cesare, the shifting definitions that made it difficult. Made it feel like she had to ask rather than have it be given freely.
He just lays this at her feet with no preamble, no expectations.
The tears welling up, she can't manage it all the way to text this time, in a hiccupping, sniffling but happy voice. ]
You are family to me too, one-most-dear, Aristaeus, steady as you are, it has meant so much to me to know you are there.
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( simple, matter-of-fact. )
I don't plan on going anywhere if I can help it. ( circumstances being what they are, there's more uncertainty now. more anxiety. perhaps that makes saying what needs to be said a little easier. )
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Do you plan on staying in the village forever? Even if we should find a way to leave?
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( strange as it is, he's made a life for himself here, has found a measure of peace. even contentment, recent events notwithstanding. but there's still a slight pause, drawn out as he circles around something he's still struggling to articulate. )
It wouldn't be good for me, I think, going back. Things would be different. I'd be different.
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I understand. It seems what has passed here to so many of us - for good or for ill, we cannot be as we were.
[ She lets her eyes drift a moment. ]
Do you wish you can change it? Go back to what you were?
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( quite literally. )
But I've gained as much as I've lost — more, even. And I find myself wanting to hold onto that.
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[ A sigh. It is dream like, sometimes, being here. She is free in a way she could never be at home. Even with the horror. But sometimes, perhaps because of it.]
Would you take Mavis and Murphy to your home? If you were able too?
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on the other hand, it is still his home, for all its flaws. will he ever not yearn for it? )
It would be difficult. ( which is only marginally better than admitting he doesn't know the answer. )
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[ Though unbeknowst, it is just that. They would not be happy, save Sweeney, structured into a restrained life of harsh living they did not understand. ]
.... If it is not to be, here, and we find a way to our homes - you are welcome in my court, and in my household. Even if you did not stay, which I would understand naturally, our land is harsh, our ways unforgiving to outsiders, I would send you gladly with letters of introduction to any land you wish so you, Mavis and Murphy could establish a home with my support.
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but it's still a lot, and definitely not the kind of decision he should be making rashly. )
I'll think about it. ( talk to mavis, at least. as harsh as gilia claims her land to be, it can't be any worse than the desert. )
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[ Times when not having her throne sucks: when she wants to give her friends presents and most of all, security and a home. ]
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( more than she realizes. more than many of them deserve, probably — not that he expects she'd believe it. )
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