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[somatosensory]

Rubilykskoye Inbox

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[seaboard]

[ His position was even more precarious than hers was. Both of them had expectation, but the one on him was greater than even her own on those strict lines of error. ]

I understand. It seems what has passed here to so many of us - for good or for ill, we cannot be as we were.

[ She lets her eyes drift a moment. ]

Do you wish you can change it? Go back to what you were?

[somatosensory]

I think there'll always be a part of me that wants to go back. ( it can't be helped. so much of what he is, even now, is tied up with that place. if anything, rubilykskoye has only brought these aspects of himself into sharp relief: fierce, relentless, protective. ) It's in my blood.

( quite literally. )

But I've gained as much as I've lost — more, even. And I find myself wanting to hold onto that.

[seaboard]

It will not be easy to, when I must do it, I know that much.

[ A sigh. It is dream like, sometimes, being here. She is free in a way she could never be at home. Even with the horror. But sometimes, perhaps because of it.]

Would you take Mavis and Murphy to your home? If you were able too?

[somatosensory]

( on the one hand, he knows it would end poorly — because it can't not. they would chafe against the strictures of his home, assuming they consented to come with him at all.

on the other hand, it is still his home, for all its flaws. will he ever not yearn for it? )

It would be difficult. ( which is only marginally better than admitting he doesn't know the answer. )

[seaboard]

Yes, that is perhaps the best word for it, isn't it?

[ Though unbeknowst, it is just that. They would not be happy, save Sweeney, structured into a restrained life of harsh living they did not understand. ]

.... If it is not to be, here, and we find a way to our homes - you are welcome in my court, and in my household. Even if you did not stay, which I would understand naturally, our land is harsh, our ways unforgiving to outsiders, I would send you gladly with letters of introduction to any land you wish so you, Mavis and Murphy could establish a home with my support.

[somatosensory]

( this might just be one of the nicest gestures he's ever received — and coming from gilia, he knows it's sincere.

but it's still a lot, and definitely not the kind of decision he should be making rashly. )

I'll think about it. ( talk to mavis, at least. as harsh as gilia claims her land to be, it can't be any worse than the desert. )

[seaboard]

Of course. It is the least I can do. I lament I am not in a position to give you more, here.

[ Times when not having her throne sucks: when she wants to give her friends presents and most of all, security and a home. ]

[somatosensory]

You do plenty, Gilia.

( more than she realizes. more than many of them deserve, probably — not that he expects she'd believe it. )

[seaboard]

I try. It is just hard that — [ She can say that. ] — I have had a great deal of power, all my life, and so often, it has terrified me too much to use it. Of doing it wrongly. Of disappointing everyone around me.

Now I wish I could, to take care of so many here. So many need it, and I fear I can never do enough. But... maybe that is just living? Always thinking of what we could do.

[somatosensory]

I think it's normal to be afraid of something like that. Especially when you're young and learning.

( it's a rare person that wants to use their power to harm, at least in the beginning. the ones that do tend to be broken to begin with. )

I'd like to hear more of your home, one day.