somatosensory | ic inbox

Hey. Mind if I ask you something?

Depends on what you're asking.

Why does Mavis think of you as a threat?

Ah.
So you're the roommate.

Yeah. And a friend.

Is this you being noble, Felipe?
She wouldn't appreciate it, you know.
Your thinking she can't handle me, herself.

I'm sure she could handle you any day.

But I need to make sure if this is worth involving you.

Adorable.

I'm not and never will be a threat to her.
In fact, I'm probably the one here who's most invested in her survival.

[ sounds fake but ok. ]

Why haven't you fought her then? She refuses to touch me.

( this again. )

I fail to see how the two things are related.

She can't handle the monster alone.

No, she can't.
She knows it, too. That's why she's hiding.

If you know that why won't you do anything about it?

Because I haven't found a way to contain the disastrous fallout that will inevitably follow if I tried.

You might not value your own life, Felipe, but she certainly does.
She wouldn't have gone to such lengths to hide you if she didn't.

Have you two talked about me?

Anyway. We need to bring her back. It's getting cold out there.

What answer are you hoping for?

We'll need rope.
A lot of it.

Forget about it.

I'll get the rope.

Good man.
I'll be at the boarding house in half an hour.
I have some things I'll need to collect.

Don't make me regret this.

[ it's her first night spent outside the boarding house since the blizzard. the first clear sign that she has abandoned the room he and felipe hauled her back to. now that she is far from him, she gives voice to her wandering thoughts. ]

are all kossians like that

( when you expect you're being insulted, but you can't be sure. )

Like what?

your cock

No.
That was a fun new development that I thought might've been related to you, but now I'm not so sure.

related to me

[ until it had passed at the same time her monstrous features ebbed away, she'd been sure HER condition was something he was doing to her. they both seem desperate to blame the other. ]

Well.
It's still there.

you are transforming

I'll take care of it.

why didnt it go away after

Are you concerned, or just worried about what I'll do with it?

trying to understand

Why?

the same could happen to me

Guess it's a good thing you're out in the woods again.

i didnt leave them by choice

We're not doing this.

what is this

Good question.

you brought up the woods
i got the answer i wanted

Then why are you still here, Mavis?

im not
im in the woods

I know that.
I mean, why are you still here, talking to me?
You got what you wanted.

[ well now that he points it out she won't. ]

[There's a pile of clothes on the previously unoccupied bed in Aristaeus' room when he returns, a claim staked there haphazard and slightly rushed. Murphy had been more interested in getting some of the clothes on than caring about the neatness of the rest, and as a result a few shirts are sliding off the corner, one boot tumbled and partly kicked under the bed. The only items that seem to have had any real attention paid to them are a pair of near-ruined socks, soaked through and muddy, carefully set aside.

Murphy himself is currently barefoot, and also half leant out the window. He'd been checking to see how far it would open, if scaling down - or up - the wall was a possibility. Know your exits. Bellamy would be proud. He glances back over his shoulder as he hears someone enter, but only fully turns when it becomes evident that the guy is the room's other occupant. Previously sole occupant.]

Murphy. [Loose, easy introduction.] They told me to take the first free bed I found.

[There's a slight hard edge in his eyes, like he's expecting a fight about it. He doesn't want one. He's dressed, now, but still looks cold and close to exhausted from the trek through the woods, dry blood smeared over his cheek from some past poor attempt to clean up a nosebleed. But he's had worse. He'll deal, if he needs to.]

My mistake for thinking nobody noticed this one. ( two months was a good run, though, and while he's not about to do cartwheels over the prospect of sharing space with someone, he's also not about to get into a scrap over it.

although judging by the wary look, the blood smeared against his cheekbone, aristaeus wonders if this is the first room he'd stopped at. )

Aristaeus. ( he pronounces it "ar-is-tey". crisp, clear enunciation that's almost devoid of an accent.

watches murphy closely, his eyes slightly narrowed, scrutinizing. ) Do I need to ask why you were tallying exits, or are we simply being cautious?

Caught me.

[Hands up, mouth pulling down at the corners, self-effacing humour. Then he shrugs, turning back to tug the window closed again.]

Waking up naked in the woods doesn't exactly leave you feeling safe and warm about a place.

[The fact Aristaeus knew what he was doing said something about him, though. Murphy keeps his own measuring look a little more subtle, sideways glances as he moves to drop down on the edge of the bed - his bed, now, he supposes - and start pulling clean socks on.]

That it doesn't.

( he'd woken up in strange places before, but never stripped bare and utterly alone. the spiders hadn't exactly endeared him to the situation. that instinctive, animal wariness of anything larger and meaner than itself choosing the worst moment to manifest, and hadn't quite abated.

in the corner of the room, there's a small armoire. it offers just enough space for his own modest belongings. he moves toward it now, reaching out to tug open the door. )

You seem to have landed on your feet, though. ( the townsfolk can be generous, but they tend to forget the little things like socks and underwear. shoes. )

Things aren't particularly rosy where I'm from.

[Not exactly a lie. Post-apocalyptic Earth was still where he was from, originally. Just not where he'd been before here. Still, the result was the same - the Nest had just significantly broadened his horizons.]

You get used to thinking fast. Adapting.

[Surviving, and whatever it took to do so. This isn't the first time he's had to replace lost or destroyed clothes, and some decent boots had been a fairly high priority in his mind. Socks pinned with a slightly different importance, the muddy pair a gift that he intends to see returned - cleaned up, first.

He's still clearly nowhere near as settled as Aristaeus' seemed to be.]

How long have you been here?

( a soft sound of understanding. his own experience hadn't been too great, either, to be honest — not recently, at any rate.

a quick glance over at murphy, again. a moment of consideration, then he leans down and plucks a spare set of work boots from the armoire's lower shelf and tosses them over. they're decent, solid things made of good leather, even if they're probably a little large. )

Around three months, I'd say. Not that I've managed to find a calendar.

Just keep a count. Easiest way.

[He's lived without or between calendars for too long to consider it any other way. Tally marks scratched on walls or in notebooks. He'll need to grab something like that here, clearly.

He looks up in time to catch one boot, the other clunking down near his feet. He had managed to get a pair in his gathering of clothes, but these are better, thicker and not quite as worn. Still, the gift's unprompted, and there's surprise and some hesitation in his expression.]

You sure, man? I can manage fine with these for a while.

( it'd probably add to the decor, actually — tally marks. not that the boarding house is lacking, but it's clear that the designer had specific intentions.

and the fire hadn't exactly done the place any favours. )

I'm not using them.

( it's one of those few shared values between his people and the townsfolk, prioritizing communal needs over individual desires.

but judging by murphy's expression, he's anticipating some kind of catch; which is fair, he supposes — people who instinctively check for exits aren't known for their trusting dispositions. )

I'd call it a "welcome to town" gift, saying that with a straight face might be a stretch. So, let's go with you helping me free up some closet space and call it a day.

[There's something weirdly symbolic in it, he thinks. First he gets given socks, now boots.]

Thanks.

[The hesitation's still fairly obvious, the nod of his head more like a dip than anything. But it's genuine. He's just mentally making a note of needing to pay it back somehow at some point, regardless of how Aristaeus had framed it. Still:]

You really need that much closet space here?

( vanity is such a strange concept to him. aristaeus's not overly concerned with his looks; he simply enjoys comfortable, well-crafted clothes tailored for his specific fit.

and there's not a whole lot of people in town that are north of six-two. everything has to be tailored. )

I guess not. ( he pulls the door closed, then turns to give murphy another considering look.

he can't remember the last time he had to share close quarters with someone like this. voluntarily, more or less. what the protocol might be. ) But I work hard and I like nice things. ( his tone holds curiosity rather than a challenge: "is that going to be a problem?" )

Fair enough.

[Mouth pressing, a small shake of his head. Impressed, more than anything. He'd done similar, in Concordia, but that was a damn sight more technologically advanced than this place. Nice things seemed like they might be a bit harder to come by, but what did he know? Aristaeus had better boots to give him, already.]

We actually have to work, or is that just something you willingly signed up for?

( interesting question. )

The first month I was here, there was an incident with one of the locals. ( maybe murphy knows about that, maybe he doesn't. the boarding house still bears some scars, but overall, they've succeeded in restoring it's former ...charm? ) He has a reputation, so I thought I'd keep an eye on him.

( and it was an easy in. just a little twist of the knife, and he had what he wanted — work, yes, but more importantly it was a way to observe the people here without drawing the same kind of attention. )

Turns out I don't mind the work, and he's thankful for t he help.

Keep an eye on him for what, to stop it if it happens again? Just out of the goodness of your heart.

[Considering, watching Aristaeus' reaction. Trying to figure out if he had another Bellamy on his hands here, someone willing to throw themselves in harm's way with little regard for their own wellbeing, or if it was more about the power, the guard and the prisoner and what could be done to one by the other without anyone questioning or much caring.]

Pragmatism. ( simple as that. )

The people here have gotten so used to enduring the attacks that they don't think about doing things another way. Easier to just kill the problem, then leave it to the Duchess to do the rest. ( the next part is harder to explain, because it requires a level of self-reflection he's still getting the hang of. he doesn't particularly care about lev, about the town, but the method of problem-solving, while direct, feels inefficient. wasteful.

and he doesn't like being bored. )

I can stop him without needing to do that. I've done it before.

[Pragmatism is probably Murphy's favourite way of thinking, and certainly the one he falls into more often than not. But there are degrees, and to him it looks a lot like Aristaeus saw the pragmatic approach and decided it was too much. Too pragmatic.

Not that Murphy can disagree, but his options are different. Aristaeus is obviously bigger, stronger than him; if he says he can stop someone without killing them, Murphy doesn't doubt it. But he probably wouldn't be able to do the same.]

Sorry to disappoint, but it sounds like you've got a little goodness in there.

[Not quite another Bellamy though, which was a relief. One was more than enough to turn Murphy's hair grey before he hit thirty.]

( aristaeus huffs, a dry, amused sound: ) Don't say that too loud, people might start getting the wrong idea.

( maybe murphy's right, but that it makes it any less strange, hearing it put in that way. good sounds a little too close to heroic or noble.

ill-fitting.

just because he'd rather avoid bloodshed doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy the fight. wouldn't kill if he had to. isn't good at it. ) Point is, I won't smother you in your sleep – unless you ask nicely.

[Murphy, who has actually smothered a couple of people in their sleep, can only give a wry smile.]

I'll keep that in mind.

[He stands, stomping his new boots on a little, testing the fit. Kicks the other pair under the bed. Most of his clothes probably won't make it to the closet; Aristaeus will get to keep a lot of space that way.]

I'm pretty hard to kill, though, just so you know.

[Though he does usually prefer if people just don't try.]

Does that have anything to do with — ( he doesn't know how to describe the way murphy registers for him; distinct, almost familiar in the way a cover song of an old favorite, sung in a foreign tongue is familiar.

it's not the kind of thing one broaches in casual conversation, even he recognizes that. with how twitchy folx are about the network such as it is, it's not difficult to imagine how they'd take the thought of something ...well. like this. ) — the jumpiness, earlier?

( is he going to wake up to someone trying to murder you in your sleep, murphy? because if so, they might need to get you more than a good pair of boots. )

[Murphy considers this for a moment, mostly because he hadn't realised he'd been coming across as that jumpy when Aristaeus had walked in. But then, it made sense. He's in a new place, on his own, with zero information. Without a briefing and a proper run-up on a mission, jumpy was probably the best he was ever going to manage.]

Like I said, the place I'm from isn't great. [And his tone remains irreverent, casual as he continues:] I've had a few close calls, some torture, a little involuntary imprisonment - you know, the usual.

[A shrug.]

I survived.

( it's the irreverence, really, that tips him off: people tend to fall back on that when they're trying to deflect away from their true intentions — or, just as likely, vulnerabilities.

the urge to press is there the urge to press is there, to see where the cracks would form and what could seep through. it'd be unpleasant, though, and wasteful. )

Okay. ( a little nod as he says it, acknowledging. ) I don't need to know the details. If you tell me I don't need to be concerned, I'll take your word for it. But I also don't like surprises.

Edited 2023-08-27 20:58 (UTC)

[Murphy's mouth presses, and he shakes his head a little.]

Hey, if you really want the details, we can have storytime another day.

[It wasn't like he'd made much habit of keeping his screwed up past a secret from people, back home or in the Nest. Here didn't need to be any different. Except if anyone wanted to know about brain aliens, of course.

Would that count as a surprise? Probably. But keeping his new roommate happy weighed significantly less against the rest on that scale.]

Right now I need food.

Have you been to the tavern yet? ( because, obviously, what murphy meant is that they should go get something to eat. they don't have to talk.

in fact, they probably won't need to talk at all depending on whether or not terry's club is back up again. )

You wanna be my tour guide?

[There's a touch of some real incredulity under the joke. Landing himself with a roommate quite that helpful isn't the kind of luck Murphy usually ran into. Still, he is very hungry, and getting some hot food in his stomach would help with getting the last of the cold out of his limbs. He dips a mock bow, gesturing towards the door.]

Lead the way.

[ they'd probably both recover faster and better if mavis were in her own bed and not wedged up against him on the shared space of the boarding house's double beds, in his room, their room.

but mavis is pressed tightly against his body when he wakes up anyway. her chest against his back, one arm slung over his ribs and the other stuffed under her head to make up for the fact that his pillow is too high up on the bed for her to use too, if she wants her arm to fit around the bulk of him comfortably. ]

( maybe it's a good thing that he's so out of it that he can't think to complain. he wouldn't, probably. mostly because he'd be too busy trying to figure out how she got there.

as it is, he's still going to need a moment. several, in fact. blinking slowly at the wall before his brows pull down into a frown. )

Murphy? ( slow, careful. more than a little suspicious. there's not a long list of people he could think of that'd dare, but then he also only has the vaguest memory of making it back to the boarding house in the first place.

brain damage. fantastic. he should probably have some idea of the timeline for recovery, but everything feels a little too heavy right now. a little too much.

licks his lips, tries again — ) What — ? ( happened? the fuck are you doing? take your pick, really. )

[ his movement, his voice, stirs her. she yawns, blinking awake, shifting back slightly to give them both a little space. her palm settles on the narrowest point of his waist.

she puts together his confusion, picks what she's missing out of his brain. ]

You share with Murphy?

( what. )

No. I don't — ( do that. with anyone, really — well. anyone but her, but the circumstances had been different, then.

closes his eyes, inhales slowly. deeply. exhales, a rush of breath over his teeth. confusion giving way to frustration.

his hand settles over hers, keeping it pressed against his side. ) — Sorry.

[ she looks up, overhead. the light is gray out the window. pre-dawn. the kind of light that makes the boarding house sleepy, quiet. she isn't falling into anyone's dreams, not with him pressed up against her.

his torso is bare. hers is too. skin stuck against skin. she keeps her hand on him, but shifts her fingers to the side, makes room between them for his. ]

What are you sorry for?

You know.

( she always knew more than she thought she did. tucked against him, body and mind, she probably has a better idea of what's going on in his head right now than he does.

his fingers lace through hers, taking that unspoken invitation. using her as an anchor for a change. )

Don't be stupid.

[ she nudges her nose against his arm, then his shoulder blade. as if that would make this easier on him. he feels some kind of guilt about the fight, she gathers, but it doesn't make any kind of sense to her. they'd both known the terms. and here she is, respecting them. ]

I will get you water. [ she starts to sit up, slowly. ] Are you hungry?

( well, okay. the guilt is a fleeting thing, anyway. easily forgotten at the prospect of food and water. his mouth feels like something crawled into it and died.

his breath is probably revolting. )

Please. ( it's a pity she has to move to get it, but he's not about to stop her. ) Something sweet. ( for his head. there's probably better ways to squeeze out a little serotonin right now, but he'll take what relief he can get.

as she starts to sit up, he turns over, watching her like he's considering telling her to stay. ) We'll share.

Edited 2023-08-22 01:48 (UTC)

I will be right back.

[ she tells him, because she has heard his thoughts, his fleeting regret about her leaving. they are disjointed — his thoughts, the two of them. she gets into a sitting position, takes a cup of water from the window sill and holds it out for him. ]

Drink all of this before I'm back.

[ when he has the cup in hand, she stands, pulling her shirt off the floor and tugging it over her head. only underwear cover her ass. she doesn't go fumbling for pants. it's too early in the morning, and she isn't worried about modesty inside the boarding house. what haven't they all seen of each other yet?

she goes hunting for sweets. down the hall, in the kitchen, she finds dried and candied fruits. those will keep. she takes a fistful and stuffs them into an empty jar. but she gets dried meat too, and a few pieces of bread.

she carries them back to the room, the bread in one hand, a jar of meats and candied fruits in the other. she bumps her shoulder against their bedroom door to open it back up. ]

( by the time she's back, he's gotten himself mostly upright, his long legs hanging over the side of the bed. blanket offering some illusion of modesty.

everything aches — it'll ache for a while, probably. although he welcomes that pain; it means he's alive, after all. even if it had been touch and go for a while, there.

( he's going to need a new knife. maybe he should ask her about the one she'd used; that wooden blade had been a wicked thing. )

when she's close, he'll set aside the cup — drained just as she'd asked — and reach for her. it's quite the haul she's got, but this is less about him being helpful than the excuse to touch her, to pull her onto his lap. )

Your wounds.

[ she says this, but she lets herself be tugged anyway. hands full, she can't put up much of a protest. she sets the food down on the edge of the bed where she can prop it against the wall, upright, then moves her hands to his shoulders so she can steady herself on him.

it feels good, though. the closeness. it had felt good to curl up against him, and better still to have him draw her in for it. to be his. ]

I'll live.

( the easy confidence of a man that shrugged off something that should have put him in the ground several times over. not that he's in a rush to test those limits, but there's a noticeable easing of the tension. a sense that maybe the worst has passed.

his palm settles over the place where he'd dug his knife: the place is raw, angry. it'll leave an ugly scar but whoever handled the clean-up did a decent job. )

It helps. ( being close. his strength is her strength and vice-versa. that's what the tether really was, in the end: a way to share burdens. )

[ she mewls a little cry of pain as his hand comes to rest on her side. it is still raw, still open, even with the stitches to start repairing what his healing couldn't address. she grabs his shoulders to steady herself.

turning her gaze, she considers murphy's sleeping form. he hasn't left aristaeus' side, to her knowledge. he is worried. and the noise she is making might have woken him early. but it appears he's still sleeping.

she looks back at aristaeus. ]

Eat. It will help, too.

( he follows mavis' gaze. frowns openly when he lands on the slumbering form of his roommate. he doesn't know murphy all that well, isn't deserving of that level of concern. certainly not over a pair of boots.

but he reaches for the jar with his free hand. )

Thanks. ( it's genuine, if a little awkward, a little begrudging. just because she's correct doesn't mean he has to like it.

he gets out a piece of candied fruit and starts chewing. sugar isn't really his thing, but head injuries have a way of bringing out his sweet tooth. a quirk he's never managed to explain. ) You too. ( he'll fix as much as he can once he's done, but she really needs the nourishment. )

I was awake for dinner.

[ unlike some people. she arches her eyebrows at him, pointedly, then settles back down onto the bed, staring up at him while he eats. ]

( the look that gets.

he'd like to argue but he just doesn't have the energy. the second piece of candied fruit goes down a little easier than the first. a third follows soon after.

gradually, the brain fog lifts, and he feels steadier. )

How bad?

( does it look? does she feel? she can take her pick. )

Felipe is angry.

[ that seems like the worst casualty, from her perspective. both of them will be fine. they both know that. they have both suffered worse. this is the companionship that she had been fighting against, for the good of her people, for their memory. she embraces it now. ]

( a slow nod. that must be why she's here, then. not that he's complaining. )

He cares.

( clumsily and selfishly, but that's beside the point. )

Yes.

[ he isn't the only one. she studies aristaeus, remembering how stricken he'd been after she had returned from the castle. how erratic. he wasn't throwing her things at the wall, but he had freaked out in his own way.

both of them had to face it again. ]

I'm sorry.

[ she isn't used to it. having people. she has always been on her own, and therefore never needed to consider others in what she did, never had to anticipate long-term consequences for anything and how they would tilt a relationship. she keeps hurting people. she feels like a cactus, all spines. ]

( oh.

well. he hadn't seen that coming. and it's strange, having come this far, having fought so hard for any kind of acknowledgement that now that he has it, he doesn't know what to do with it.

he settles for lifting a shoulder. )

No need.

( there's no rolling back what's already happened. besides, she's alive, that was always the part that mattered to him. )

Edited 2023-08-23 01:01 (UTC)

[ well. she won't push it, if he doesn't. she wedges her arm under her head again, just watching him. she has a cat's idleness, even like this, far from her transformation.

she thought she would feel different. and she does, in a way. there's a peacefulness about the room, despite the melancholy left in the wake of felipe's anger. she has put angry ghosts to rest by trying her best to fight for them, and now she can stop fighting her own feelings instead. ]

I am not going back to the Void. [ she offers this as a compromise, a demonstration of her commitment to the terms of the challenge. ] You are not going either.

Oh?

( he pauses mid-reach into the jar. did she think he'd try to change her mind? but, no — this isn't about her. it's about him. his plans.

he hadn't settled on whether he was going or not. as angry as he'd been about her leaving, he also had no reason to believe she was lying about what she'd seen.

but it'd also be a lie to say he wasn't curious. and if anyone was likely to make it through in one piece, it'd probably be him. )

You are mine, as much as I am yours.

[ it's not up for negotiation, in other words. if he gets to make those kinds of demands, state them as unmitigated fact, then she will do the same. ]

( well. when she puts it like that ... he still wants to argue.

she can probably tell. can hear him turn it over in his head, weighing and measuring, before deciding to set it aside. the void isn't going anywhere. )

Fine. ( a little nod. he has plans, anyway. )

Eat.

[ she raps her knuckle on the mason jar's base. ]

You have no plans until you recover.

[ then, yawning, she pulls the blanket back over her and shuts her eyes. ]

( a huff. not quite a laugh but tilting toward amusement all the same. the audacity of her, mothering him.

the audacity of him to enjoy it, even a little.

silence. he makes his way to the bottom of the mason jar, sets it aside with the mug and then reaches for her, brushing the hair back from her ear.

it's a concession; a reminder — she's not alone. )

[ it feels nice, when she lets it. when she can assure herself that he has earned it, that no one would reproach her for following the rules of her people. her only crime was weakness.

she lifts a hand to cover his as she turns her face, pressing her cheek into his palm and breathing deep of him. reminding herself that he is alive, too. ]

Tell Murphy that we will not fight if I fuck him.
He does not believe me.

In person or like this?

Either. It does not matter to me.
We are in the room. Come watch if you want. Or just tell him.
He is transforming.
He is an idiot.

He thought no one would notice?
I'm at the lodge; I'll message him.

Her thought it was a lie.
To need sex.

Better he figure out the mistake here than out there.
Be careful, though. And don't use our bed; I haven't fixed the leg yet.

Okay.

[ she wasn't gonna use their bed because it's Their bed, so that works out fine. ]

Come home when you're done at the lodge.

I might head to the banya first, but I'll let you know.
You can join me if you're not still busy.

No. Home.
We can go together.

Home, fine.
You can help me with my hair.

Yes.

[ there's a sense between them or something lingering unsaid. a hesitation in her. ]

You wanted to fuck me after John. Before.

Is this you being worried or hopeful?

Was it because of your transformation?

[ he's so cagey. ]

I think it didn't hurt. But there's also something appealing to the thought of getting my hands on you, after.
Reminding you that you're mine.

Good.
I was hopeful.
I am hopeful.

Then I'll try not to keep you waiting.

[A messenger hand-delivers an envelope bearing his name to Aristaeus, either at his residence or about town (your choice). The envelope is sealed with purple wax pressed with a symbol reminiscent of an upside-down trident. Within is the following invitation written in Rubean.]

[CW: implied bull kink, cuckolding, breeding kink, creampie, multiple partners, serial partners, sloppy seconds, bondage, voyeurism, d/s, necromantic manipulation, animated skeletons, vague allusion to necrophilia (forgive me if I missed any warnings).]

Additional note included: Her Majesty requests that your wife, Mavis, accompany you to the party.

[OOC: The party ICly takes place on December 22nd and Ianthe's house from 7:00-8:00pm on a first come/first serve basis. The log will be posted on Dec 17th, with the smut threads themselves intended to be short. There will be a place for partygoers to mingle amongst themselves while waiting their turn.

Reply to this comment to RSVP Ianthe on your character's attendance, refusal, questions, etc. Feel free to contact Gilia via her inbox to confirm the invitation is legit/with concerns or questions. It is okay to decline the invitation!

Important note: Whereas Ianthe will take participation in the party as IC consent to have her use her necromancy to speed up orgasm if needed, this will only occur with OOC permission.]

Edited (wrong icon) 2023-12-03 21:04 (UTC)

My wife won't be able to make it. Sensory issues.

But I'm still willing to attend if the invitation stands.

It does still stand. Gilia will be pleased to have you there despite your wife's absence. Is there anything we can do in the future to facilitate her sensory issues should Gilia wish for another opportunity? Something more private, perhaps, without the bull pen.

Privacy would be helpful. While she's gotten better at filtering mental and emotional white noise, the festival has taken quite the toll on her.

The effects can be abrupt and unpredictable.

( hardly conducive to a festive atmosphere. )

But I'm sure she'd be more than willing to accept any future invitations. She is fond of Gilia, after all.

Understandable. Perhaps we can arrange something more accommodating in another month or so. I'll pass on your acceptance and look forward to seeing you there. If you end up with any questions prior to arrival, I'm always available.

The invitation was very thorough. I'm impressed.

I have experience with arranging these kinds of parties from back home. It's always best to be direct about certain things to eliminate poor behavior. I've still had to explain a few things to the less experienced guests.

Hard to imagine there being much room left for naivety in a place like this.

Still. I do appreciate the clear lines, Deathwarden.

You're welcome. Oh, I did eventually manage a passable batch of moisturizing cream. I'll have a small pot of it set aside for you to take home after the party. It's sandalwood.

You found your bees.

More I was given some honey in exchange for instruction. Enough for an experimental batch.

Clever.

I won't mention any exchange for the cream, but I'd like to bring a gift when I visit. That is the custom, isn't it? When visiting someone's home.

It depends on the culture. I'm certainly not expecting any gifts, but I will certainly accept one.

We're not big on social visits where I'm from, but it seems a good custom.
What are your preferences?

Just something I can share with Gilia. I'm surprisingly not picky.

I'll find something suitable.

Much appreciated.

Log had been posted!

[ he feels so sick right now, but something that Murphy said last night has been bothering him. "she can't even fight back right now". ]

What's wrong with Mavis?

( the nerve of this guy. )

She's fine.

Edited 2023-12-18 19:17 (UTC)

[ he's just worried ok. ]

Is she?

Why would I lie?

I don't know, but I heard something.

Why is she unable to fight? Is she hurt?

I've also heard some interesting things lately. Maybe we should discuss those before getting into Mavis' current situation.

You shouldn't believe everything you hear. What things?

Yes, it would be a shame if I got the wrong idea. I might decide to do something unpleasant like address the situation directly.

What happened the night Mavis moved out of your room?

[ not this shit again. it was nothing! ]

If she hasn't told you about it, why do you think I would?

It's between me and her.

( the mistake was in assuming that she hadn't told someone. murphy's reaction had been very telling. )

Now, that's hardly the answer of someone with nothing to hide, is it?

You know how I feel about the damn fight you two had. Figure it out from there.

Did you hurt her?

I'd never hurt her.

So she misunderstood?

I haven't talked to her in a while. I don't know what she thinks or doesn't.

I'm surprised you haven't spoken given how often you "visit".
Visited.

I know I'm not welcome.

Evidently we aren't the only ones that feel that way.

You ever consider that perhaps the killer was looking for someone else and I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

They seem to have been satisfied enough not to target anyone else since your little vacation.

In that case I will happily accept your gratitude.

Let's keep up that streak, shall we?

We'll see. It depends.

So what is it? She didn't answer when I reached out to her.

She's recovering from the festival.

She's unconscious?

She's recovering from the festival.

You're wasting my time.

[ bye! ]

Let me know if you ever need an alibi. "Aristaeus couldn't have killed Felipe, guys, we were doing laundry at the watering hole."

Don't tempt me. As it is, the only reason I haven't throttled the life out of him is because Mavis would never let me hear the end of it.

( not because she's especially fond but because she prefers to handle these things herself. )

House said she's at the clinic?

[ Partially concern, partially a reminder that he could probably get away with killing Felipe without her knowing. ]

She picked up whatever sleeping sickness has been going around. She's alive, I just can't reach her.

( it's important to clarify this. that she's alive, which means eventually she'll wake up, because she must. she must. )

But Felipe's been sniffing around the cabin ever since we moved in. And I don't like thinking about what he might do if he were to realize how vulnerable she is right now.

Yeah. House suggested I ward the clinic against him, which I could definitely do.

[ Because he has Felipe's finger, and that little flesh trophy is enough to make his magic very specific. ]

Or you could just kill him again until she wakes up.

have you heard from him?

Murphy? Not yet.
Did he ever mention anything about Danny Johnson to you?

fuck
i was hoping that was a bad dream

no
i--- thought about that though

I think we were all hoping that.

Yeah. Murphy was ㅡ is close to Quentin, just like Felipe. But he was also smart, aware. I don't think he'd have been an easy catch.

( the 'was' makes him shudder. ) yeah... he knew how to survive. what if he's just hiding out somewhere? in trouble?

Then I wish he'd reach out, let us know.

( murphy's a lot of things but not that kind of asshole, not when it matters. )

Are you still over at the boarding house?

fuck. yeah, you're right

coming back from visiting a friend in the forest, why?

Mostly checking in. You were on his list, you know?

But if you do ever feel like taking a walk, I wouldn't say no to the company.

( since it's only a matter of time before one of these kids rocks up trying to investigate on their own. )

Edited 2024-01-05 10:50 (UTC)

what list?

yeah, probably better to stick together...

People he cares about.
People he wants safe.

I'll even let you hold my hand.

oh
uh, feeling's mutual

well, shit
now i can't say no to that

You be sure to tell him that when we find him.

I'll be in town later.
I need to pay a visit to the blacksmith.

yeah? for what? getting fitted?

No, I want to see if they can make a machete. Was thinking I'd take a hike to the new area once this is all over.

that's way better for you

oh yeah? let me know what you find or let me know if you want some company

Well, that, and they probably don't carry cages in my size.

Sure. My girl's up there now, checking out the place. I'm sure she'll be able to point us somewhere good when she's back.

wow
and your so humble too

keep me posted ( or not. he's gonna be finding murphy soon. it's fine. it's great. )

i am going with john to find murphy
you keep looking here

Be careful.

( he's uneasy about her leaving, especially given the recent town events, but understands the need to cover more ground — and she is capable. so is john. )

And bring me back something nice.

i will

do you think we will find him

Yes.

If he's out there, we'll find him. Even if it means turning over every inch of this place.

others have disappeared
no trace
leah

Murphy had things to stay for.

You know he sat up most night with you, while you were sleeping.
Slept over at the clinic, even.
He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to you.

what if it wasnt his choice
what if none of them had a choice
what if we cant get any of them back

Then we cross that bridge when we come to it.
Until then, we operate on the assumption that they're out there somewhere. That they need our help. And we don't give up on them.

i am not my own

Tell me the right words.
I never asked, but I should've.

to describe this feeling my people say
i am not my own you stole me
if you feel the same when someone says part you can finish it

So I say "you stole me?"

if that is how you feel

You know it is.
You stole me from the very first.

we do not leave until before dawn tomorrow
i will be home tonight
will you hold me

Of course.

thank you

You say that like you're not the one doing me the favour.

Although I'm expecting regular updates while you're gone.

we are not going into the void
you will be able to feel me
just like this

I still like hearing from you.
Your voice.

then i will

Good.
I missed it.
You.

I missed you.

thank you

[ no one had ever missed her before. ]

Just come back to me alright?
I can survive a lot, but not losing you.

you will not lose me

Is that a promise?

i promise

I'll hold you to that.

im not the liar

No, you're just the reckless hero.

i am not a hero

You are absolutely a hero.

i have won no great battles

You don't think saving all those people from the cages counts?
From Wanda?

that was not a fight
i avoided fighting

Being smart still counts.

are you acting weird because you still feel guilty

According to you I'm always weird.

weird for you
not weird like you

It's complicated.

ok
explain

I don't want you to be afraid of what you can do.
I might not always understand it, but that's not your fault.

I'm not afraid of you.
I don't think I could ever be afraid of you. Not like that.

my vision scared you

It surprised me.
Unsettled me.
But that wasn't your fault.

It just.
It's making me rethink some things I thought I understood. Things I wouldn't have questioned before.

( and it's a difficult thing, to question. she understands that, at least. )

But I'm not afraid.
Not of you.
Never of you.

what if i stole you
really stole you

Edited 2024-01-07 22:49 (UTC)

Is that what you think happened?

it might have
that is what i did to get people out of the cages
i can do it
and i couldnt control it before

How long did it last, when you used it on the people here?

i dont know
daryl asked that too
but its not like that
i change their minds
that doesnt stop them from changing it back but
its not like i told them to feel that way
they decided

The trip to the Void would've broken any influence you had over me, if there was any.

it isnt influence
its
a choice
i make you make a choice

So, I chose you anyway, even if I didn't realize it. And I've kept choosing you since.

you could choose it instead

Then it's a good thing we're not going back, isn't it?

you still want to?

Stay with you?
Yes. I meant what I said: I'm yours as long as you'll have me.

good

Sure you won't get tired of me?

why would i promise that
you are exhausting

But you still want me. How embarrassing for you.

i am not ashamed

[ it was fair and square. he may be exhausting, but he's still strong. good to her. ]

Good.
Because if I have to belong to anyone, I want it to be you.

good
you dont have to cook tonight
i will get food while i am grabbing supplies for the trip

Bring extra.

more than for the two of us?

I'm also tired of my cooking.

ill make sure there is enough for leftovers

Do you think he’s gone? Really gone?

No.

( firm, immediate. he's never faltered in this belief because he knows john murphy well enough by now to know that he would never have gone quietly. )

I think something happened to him, something that's keeping him from reaching out.

I feel so useless. What if he's suffering somewhere?

Thinking like that won't help him. ( but junpei isn't the only one to feel that way, to think it. )

When we find him — ( because it is a matter of when not if. ) — we'll worry about that. Right now, you need to stay safe. Murphy would want you to be safe.

Besides, Quentin needs you.

I’m glad … he has people like you. Like Mavis. People looking out for him.

Quentin has lots of people looking out for him too. Thankfully.

[ Because it’s been an uphill struggle to get himself out of bed lately let alone someone else. ]

Murphy was lost on my watch.

( again, it's delivered with the usual matter-of-fact directness. he'd poured all his energy into finding this mysterious goat-headed killer, only to have the fucker lurking right under his nose. had neglected john, his pain, because it was easier to bury himself in the pursuit. )

Did you know him, Danny?

I’ve only spoken with him a few times.

[ That’s as much as Ari needs to know. It was the truth. ]

Quentin trusted him. Loved him. So I thought he had to be okay.

Quentin seems like the type to see the good in everyone.

( sometimes to his own detriment. )

That’s accurate.

[ When they’d first met, Junpei had been aloof and cold towards him, still in the mindset of trying to keep people away. Yet Quentin persisted. ]

And the type to attract the attention of some of the weirdest guys here.

If you’d asked me in December which one would be the most likely to hurt him, my answer wouldn’t have been Danny.

That type generally does.

( it's probably rooted in some kind of fascination. the urge to see just how far that goodness extends. )

I don't think Danny will let him go easily. ( he knows he wouldn't in his place. that'll need addressing, but for now, murphy is still the priority. )

And I don’t know if Quentin will really let him go easily.

[ There’s a part of Junpei - and he can’t even pretend it’s a small part - that entirely understands the addictive appeal of the flavor of someone like Danny. Even with everything out on the table. Maybe even more so with everything out on the table. ]

But I’d be a hypocrite to say as much.

There's history there.

( a guess but an educated one. )

And nobody likes being told their own business. ( either quentin will talk about it or he won't; they can give him the time and space to process as needed. )

Anyway, I'll be heading into town to stock up, and then I'll be back in the woods. If you need anything, give me a heads up. Otherwise, I'll keep you posted on anything I find.

i’m sorry about murphy about what had to happen to clean up this mess

I'm sorry it took us so long to figure it out.
To fix it.

that was kind of our goal so… don’t apologize for that, man are u ok?

About as well as you'd expect. We were hoping for a peaceful resolution but that thing proved as stubborn as Murphy on a good day.

sounds like him it really wasn’t him though he’s going to blame himself but he… fuck, he really shouldn’t it wasn’t him in my head

I know.

( privately, he wonders if it wasn't the symbiote lashing out in its fear and anger: an animal in pain. )

We'll just have to remind him that it wasn't his fault, as often as necessary. Might take a while, though, with that thick skull of his.

yeah, i'll be over to try to convince him

maybe he'll take it seriously from me? i don't blame him for any of it

I think it could help a lot, all things considered.

( it would be nice if everyone could be as decent about this as eddie, but he's not holding his breath. but that's a moot hall problem. )

You know the way to the cabin, right? If not Hargrove can probably show you.

i hope so
i can be persistent if he doesn't want to see me

i do, yeah

Good.

Now, the more pressing question: how are you, Eddie? Are you safe?

Edited 2024-01-28 21:29 (UTC)

i'm with billy and jim
was with jem

i'm with safe people ( two of which did burn his curse mark off but he's fine. it's fine. he's great. )

Be gentle with Billy; he's putting on a brave face right now, but this month's not been easy on him either.

But good. I'll be speaking at the Moot Hall; Mavis might struggle with the crowd, but we'll see.

i know... we've... he and jem caught me
when i was being evil and all
they tried to un-evil me

maybe it'll be a small crowd?

He said so.

She's sensitive; too much noise overwhelms her. But if needed, she can share what she saw and felt. She tracked it down for us, so she understands what you guys experienced.

yeah, we're dealing with all that... we're okay
good to know he has other people worried about him too

oh... fuck
i don't wish that on anyone

i am going back to the jungle with john

( surprised, but pleased. they've made up then. )

For how long?

not sure
just the day if i win

If you win.
You're dueling?

he made a challenge

All right.
Will you call for witnesses?

if i need to
but i hoped it would be you

Of course I'll do it.

you cannot interfere
it would dishonor us both

I remember.
What weapons will you be using?

all of them

Then I should probably get sharpening.

will you train with me
he can do what you do
change my body and his

Oh?
Of course. ( she's going to need a better knife, he thinks, making a note to visit the blacksmith. the tavern, too, because the kind of training she wants is going to be a special kind of draining. )

tell me how i can help

Well, for starters you're going to need to eat more.

i eat

You'll need to eat more. Physical work burns more energy, and healing is very draining.

the wolves are still out
i will get us one of them

[ that should be plenty of meat to cover them without needing to trade for much. ]

anything else

Have you ever seen him fight?

we had sex

[ to her, it's near enough the same. ]

Did you see how fast he recovered from injury?

[ not then, but ... she thinks of the void. ]

seconds

You'll need to incapacitate him first, then. I'll show you how.

by showing me how to incapacitate you?

Yes.
There are places you can hit that will hurt him, no matter how fast he heals.

even though he has more furor?

[ he is brighter, even than ari had been when he was connected more closely to the hive. aristaeus had that connection to an empire to draw on, and more potently and directly, his team until she had eliminated them.

john glows like he has all the tribes and the colonies and a hundred empires inside of him ready to burst forth. ]

He still has a body, and you are nothing if not determined, my love.

stay with someone else that night
if i dont win
dont be alone

I'll stop in at the boarding house.

to gilia

To Gilia, then.

No matter what happens, you know I won't think less of you. I'm proud of you, and of being yours.

Edited 2024-02-14 20:48 (UTC)

i havent said what the challenge is for

[ would he still feel that way, knowing that she is only defending her pride? that she does not want to admit that john doesn't need her forgiveness, when she has already forgiven him? because she cannot help but forgive him? but she accepted the challenge anyway, claims to defend against needing to forgive, all for the chance at being his family. the chance to earn the love that she didn't feel from him while she was searching for murphy. ]

You wouldn't have issued it if it weren't for good reason.

he issued it

Did he?

to earn my forgiveness

It matters to him, then. Enough to do this for you.

he didnt need to

No, but he knows this is your way. And he respects it.

So pay back that sentiment by fighting well. But for the record, this doesn't count as our trip to the Jungle.

i know
but you dont understand
he didnt need to challenge me to be forgiven
i have nothing to give him in victory that he does not already have
i accepted anyway

I think you have plenty to give him.

you are not listening

You love him.
You've forgiven him.
You're fighting him anyway. What else am I missing?

it is dishonorable to accept a challenge when he has nothing to win but what has already been given

and it is weak to forgive the injury before he has done anything to earn it

you should not be proud of me

By that logic our duel was just as dishonorable. ( just so they're clear. )

You're doing what you need to do in order to find peace, Mavis. John understands that. Respects it.

And historically, when has you telling me what to do ever worked out like you hoped?

that is not true

You're right, I'm very biddable.

i would not have given myself to you

No, but you loved me all the same.

yes
but feeling it is not the same as surrendering to it
there was something to be won
unless you are calling it nothing to have me

No, I misunderstood.
Having you is everything.

[ she believes him. it feels right, seeing as he's everything to her, too. she hopes he'll feel the same when she's not all he has, the way he is all she has.

but that's not the point here. and they have already exchanged sentiments. there is still the point at hand, which he now understands: ]

i am all thats left of them
and i am a disappointment

You survived, Mavis.

someone else should have

But you did.
And if you want to rebuild your Clan, then I will do what I can to help.

you are very good to me
they say you arent
but you are

I don't care what they say.
You were.
Are.
The only one who matters as far as I'm concerned.

then we will make sure i win

[ drunk girl crying in the bathroom over her ex: ]

Do- do not fight him. Not for me.

Edited 2024-02-04 07:33 (UTC)

Leaving aside the fact that I wasn't planning on fighting him, ( if only because if the guy won't face ianthe, he's unlikely to be any sort of challenge ) he still shouldn't have spoken to you like that, Gilia.

Thank you. I do not wish for - dueling. That is a crime. There is no dueling.

[ mumble. ]

Not the first, not last.

Should not have - gotten angry, yelled, like a fish wife. Forgive me, and in Mavis' head? Tell her for me?

Oh, she'd probably be proud if she weren't so busy challenging him herself. Really, I think the wrong person is apologizing for their behavior, here.

But - 'm good at it.

And no- no one ever does, always care about their pride and their feelings, and never - never care about what happens after.

[ Hang on. ]

- 's Mavis dueling someone?

You weren't the one publicly challenging strangers over a self-induced slight, Gilia. He's a grown man. If he wants to pick a fight, perhaps you should allow him. It might instill some humility — or, failing that, caution.

( he doubts it. cesare borgie gives the impression of a man with a skull too thick for much of consequence to penetrate.

again, he reminds himself that fighting him wouldn't be worth it. )

With John Gaius; she won, of course. ( not that he'd had a moment's doubt. )

Ma — [ sniffle. ] Maybe. But... but shouted. A lot. At everyone. Even if - meant to be - private.

[ WINCE. ]

I can't believe did that. 'm supposed to be the quiet one.

The shouting isn't the problem, Gilia. ( frankly, he'd been as much into her like that as the rest of them had been: how fierce she'd been, how unapologetic in her anger. )

The problem the man clearly doesn't respect you, or any of us, and we're all supposed to be working together, relying on each other. But from what I've seen, he's just dead weight. Worse: dead weight with an attitude.

[ This is the agony, isn't it? Loving someone so much you hope and wish for better, even when it did not even serve anymore. ]

Is it not pride for me to do so? Making fights. Just more conflict of the same?

As opposed to what? Rolling over and giving him your throat? He's not seeing what you're doing as anything other than weakness.

It's hard, it frightens — fright — frightening.

[ there is a pause where she takes another long mouthful of cheap, nasty vodka. ]

Easier to just — just be what they need. Then it stops.

Does it stop? It seems like it just drags on in the background until your man opens his mouth again.

When we're - just us, it's good, he makes me so happy, my heart burns in it. He looks at me, and it's like I'm — like he can't... can't see anything but me and I am... beautiful, and wanted, and... it's good.

Let me ask you something: do you keep animals back home? Not just cattle, but ...hunting animals. Hounds, that kind of thing?

Yes? I have, uhm, several.

And how do you treat them? With care, right? They need to trust you, to be loyal. And they perform so much better when they're taken care of, rather than neglected or ignored.

( is she picking up what he's putting down, here? )

[ There is a undignified sniffle, the sound of yet more drinking that comes straight from the bottle from the hefty amount she downs. ]

They bite you, when you - be mean.

Yes, but that's not what I meant. What I'm saying is, we can love animals in our own way, find them beautiful and useful, but they'll never hold the same value to us as a person.

Cesare might care for you, Gilia. But it's more like how a man cares for a hound, not an equal, let alone a wife.

That's what — what Danny said. But hate Danny.

[ mumble. ]

Not his wife, just a mistress for him to - to have what he wants.

And you deserve better than that, don't you? Enough of us seem to think so.

Edited 2024-02-06 18:25 (UTC)

Sometimes, I wonder if we simply accept what we always know.

( this is cutting a little too close to home. yikes. )

And to accept that what we know might not be the best or only solution to something.

[ She lets that sit for while, drunken and upset at she is, she is not exactly at her best or most clear.

The only thing that comes to the one idea, again and again. ]

'm afraid, Aristaeus, think been afraid my... my whole life. I don't.... don't remember when... when I wasn't. Don't know... don't know how to be...

Not until... the awful, horrible thing... that... that made Murphy all... all mean.

Not until it took it away.

Do you miss it?

( low, patient. without an ounce of judgement in his voice, because he knows what it's like to be part of that kind of singular oneness: to be without fear or doubt. to yearn for it, even as you know it will destroy you if you let it. )

Yes. No.

[ She remembers so faintly the dream the Void gave them, of how connected in that place of his home she had felt, even as she was there to break him from it.

Knowing now, as she did, how it felt, perhaps she was always cruel, to tear him from it. ]

It w's.... mm - most beautiful song I had ever heard. Was joy, and love, and always with us. It was... was awful. Every second of it was knives, scraping the inside of our mind, like knives... knives scraping against bone. But the inside of our skulls. Inside of ears. Like, like feeling your ears bleeding back into... into your... your head. I know - many, many songs. Songs for every day of the year. For good and bad. Can't... can't find that song again. 'S gone. Makes ... makes my teeth ache, 'so empty?

But... but I miss... I miss knowing myself, knowing my purpose.

( here's where he should reassure her: she can find her purpose without a song to remind her. he should, but he doesn't because he knows what it is to be that bereft, to suffer in that silence. )

I'm sorry, Gilia.

[ Could the answer be more understanding, yet more drowning? ]

My... my people have a saying that life... life makes graveyards of us all. Surviving is how you... you bury them.

How is your friend?

Still asleep. ( which is unusual enough to be a worry.

mavis had passed along what john had told her, but not he wonders if there hasn't been more to the story, conveniently left out.

he hopes not. john, despite his flaws, has been reliably honest in their prior dealings. and now things are even more complicated and enmeshed. )

Is there anything you need?

Unless you're able to roll back the last month, I'm afraid not. But I appreciate the gesture.

What about you?

I've no lasting injury. You're kind to ask.

I won't keep you. But if anything comes up, don't hesitate to reach out to me.

That's fortunate, given how things ended for some of the others. ( he hadn't seen the moot hall tableu, but he'd felt the ripples. was it terrible that on some level he wanted to know how they'd managed it? )

And thank you. I'm less concerned for myself than I am for him. ( there were monster attacks and then there was that. and, for his part, aristaeus does wonder just how much of it had been reactionary and how much had been deliberate. ) You didn't know him, did you? Before.

We'd spoken. But I didn't know him, not beyond that conversation.

If there's anything you need for him, you can contact me.

[ He doesn't bother with preamble, or to specify the him in question. It isn't too hard a conclusion to reach. ]

While I appreciate the offer, please understand my skepticism about its sincerity.

( he wouldn't blame stephen, or any of the other proxies, for seeking vengeance. but he also wouldn't stand idly by and allow it to happen, especially not while the object of their anger was in such a vulnerable state. )

We were both overtaken by the same beast. I have no intention of holding that against him.

Generous of you.

He's still asleep for now. I don't know if it's the same sleeping sickness as before or something else.

[ Jesus. This place. ]

Has he been seen by Magda or anyone else at the clinic?

I'm afraid my partner is making it rather difficult to move him at the moment. ( a brief, mental impression of a very large and rather vicious looking cat flashes across the connection. )

Do you think they do house calls?

[ — ah. ]

If they don't, I do. But I appreciate that's no optimal.

Nothing about this is.

No, true.

If you think I can avoid a mauling, I can make a visit.

I'll find something to tempt her with.

Let me know when you're ready for me. I don't need any travel time.

Ari, may I ask a favour of you?

Which is to also say I have wonderful news, but I think I am in need of some... help, of a sort.

Of course, Gilia. What do you need?

I have had a friend of my home arrive of late this week. Though that is too simple a name for it. She is my guardswoman, a knight of those sworn to always defend my family, and she has been sworn to my service especially, since I was mere Princess.

Her name is Gala.

( his thoughts move from congratulations to commiseration — having someone from her home here, while no doubt comforting, means they've been displaced, just like the rest of them. that can't be easy.

eventually, he settles on: ) She must be quite the lady. ( — while wondering just what gala will make of cesare, assuming they haven't already met. )

That she is certainly. You cannot miss her, she is quite tall, near seven foot, and has antlers of her Spirit Bond. Her people are the Stag-Bonded, known for taking them to battle, fearsome to the last.

That is where I fear I need your help, however.

I see.

( someone nearly seven-foot-tall would definitely stand out in a crowd. )

Well, if she's important to you, she's important to me too. ( they're practically family, aren't they? or near enough. ) How can I help?

Thank you, Aristaeus, it ligthens my heart, muchly.

Well, two matters, I suppose.

One is... well, her heart is heavy, it always has been. Much has happened to her, and a great deal of it has been... unkind.

But... I am her Princess, moreover, I am one who has never known violence, battlefields, and the deeds of war. But that has been her whole life. She often says nothing to spare me any talk of it, I know.

I want very much for her to have those who can understand it, share it with freely that would not seek judgment upon it.... and I know you to be a great warrior, and know what it means to stand with others in battle and share those burdens. If... if you see her and she is amiable to it, knowing she had someone else to talk to, would mean much to me.

I know the feeling well. ( broadly speaking. but also that particular sort of loneliness that comes of being the only one of your kind, stranded in a strange land. )

I'm available to give whatever support she may need, whenever she wishes, to the best of my ability. Is she staying at the boarding house currently?

Sometimes, but for the most part she... well she is rather attached to my side, at present. With everything so different, it is hard to let her know to relax around me.

[ :| ]

Which is part of my concern, she hides it well, but she took an awful injury to her knee before coming to my service. It aches badly in the cold, even when she does not say so. She is capable, do not mistake me, fearsome still. But... with everything so new to her... and to leave her unprotected in turn... especially if she were to pick a fight...

... Like with, for instance, Cesare.

( privately, he thinks that cesare might benefit from a good kicking, but. serious hat on, now. )

How much does she know about Cesare? ( and how much will he need to keep from her? )

The basics, that we - well, we shall always be married, as I am not permitted to end my marriages.

That there is great love between us, too, and I do not want him hurt.

But... we are no longer amicable with one another. In fact, we are bitterly set to each other about it all. That he pushed me, and I humiliated him in return. That all of it is a mess.

Forgive me, but why can't you end your marriage?

My people do not believe a marriage can ever be ended.

Simply we... change types. There is a type of marriage where you acknowledge what you have been together, but no longer live or share with one another.

That being why I said I released him of his vows to me, and his honour to me.

I see.

( well, sort of. killing cesare still seems like it would solve more problems than it caused, but he's also a tangential concern and aristaeus is reluctant to give him more attention than necessary. because fuck that guy, honestly. )

Well, like I said, I'd be happy to offer whatever help I can. Maybe you can bring her around to the cabin sometime so we can get a feeling for each other.

[ oh thank the spirits, changing topics to not murdering her ex right now. ]

I think that would be wonderful.

Especially as at the moment, she is quite certain she must shadow me everywhere.

[ for some reason she is under the impression that gilia is liable to get horribly hurt - surely not!! ]

She'll relax once she's settled, I'm sure.

I am hoping once she sees how well I am cared for so many that she will know she need always be so worried.

Because truly, so many treat me so well, take such care of me, I will never account of it.

That's not surprising. You're easy to care for.

[ Taking it a completely different way because surely it is only about usefulness - ]

Well, I suppose you can just mostly leave me to my own devices to get work done.

True, but not what I meant.

What is it then?

I didn't have a family. Not like the way most people do.

( she saw something of his world. could probably fill in enough of the gaps. )

But since meeting you that first time, that's what you've been to me ㅡ family. Or as good as. It was never a question.

[ Oh.

How little she had been, that day she met, so terrified and hiding and that she must have seemed so silly, something ridiculous he had to take care of.

All her care, she never expected it back. That seemed selfish.

But compared to the fights she has had of late, the struggle between Sweeney, Ianthe and Cesare, the shifting definitions that made it difficult. Made it feel like she had to ask rather than have it be given freely.

He just lays this at her feet with no preamble, no expectations.

The tears welling up, she can't manage it all the way to text this time, in a hiccupping, sniffling but happy voice. ]

You are family to me too, one-most-dear, Aristaeus, steady as you are, it has meant so much to me to know you are there.

Edited 2024-03-11 07:09 (UTC)

Good.

( simple, matter-of-fact. )

I don't plan on going anywhere if I can help it. ( circumstances being what they are, there's more uncertainty now. more anxiety. perhaps that makes saying what needs to be said a little easier. )

[ She goes quiet at that, because there is something she had been thinking about a lot. Wiping her face and putting herself back together with that impossible happiness that beats in her chest. ]

Do you plan on staying in the village forever? Even if we should find a way to leave?

I'd like to, if we can.

( strange as it is, he's made a life for himself here, has found a measure of peace. even contentment, recent events notwithstanding. but there's still a slight pause, drawn out as he circles around something he's still struggling to articulate. )

It wouldn't be good for me, I think, going back. Things would be different. I'd be different.

[ His position was even more precarious than hers was. Both of them had expectation, but the one on him was greater than even her own on those strict lines of error. ]

I understand. It seems what has passed here to so many of us - for good or for ill, we cannot be as we were.

[ She lets her eyes drift a moment. ]

Do you wish you can change it? Go back to what you were?

I think there'll always be a part of me that wants to go back. ( it can't be helped. so much of what he is, even now, is tied up with that place. if anything, rubilykskoye has only brought these aspects of himself into sharp relief: fierce, relentless, protective. ) It's in my blood.

( quite literally. )

But I've gained as much as I've lost — more, even. And I find myself wanting to hold onto that.

It will not be easy to, when I must do it, I know that much.

[ A sigh. It is dream like, sometimes, being here. She is free in a way she could never be at home. Even with the horror. But sometimes, perhaps because of it.]

Would you take Mavis and Murphy to your home? If you were able too?

( on the one hand, he knows it would end poorly — because it can't not. they would chafe against the strictures of his home, assuming they consented to come with him at all.

on the other hand, it is still his home, for all its flaws. will he ever not yearn for it? )

It would be difficult. ( which is only marginally better than admitting he doesn't know the answer. )

Yes, that is perhaps the best word for it, isn't it?

[ Though unbeknowst, it is just that. They would not be happy, save Sweeney, structured into a restrained life of harsh living they did not understand. ]

.... If it is not to be, here, and we find a way to our homes - you are welcome in my court, and in my household. Even if you did not stay, which I would understand naturally, our land is harsh, our ways unforgiving to outsiders, I would send you gladly with letters of introduction to any land you wish so you, Mavis and Murphy could establish a home with my support.

( this might just be one of the nicest gestures he's ever received — and coming from gilia, he knows it's sincere.

but it's still a lot, and definitely not the kind of decision he should be making rashly. )

I'll think about it. ( talk to mavis, at least. as harsh as gilia claims her land to be, it can't be any worse than the desert. )

Edited 2024-04-04 13:08 (UTC)

Of course. It is the least I can do. I lament I am not in a position to give you more, here.

[ Times when not having her throne sucks: when she wants to give her friends presents and most of all, security and a home. ]

You do plenty, Gilia.

( more than she realizes. more than many of them deserve, probably — not that he expects she'd believe it. )

I try. It is just hard that — [ She can say that. ] — I have had a great deal of power, all my life, and so often, it has terrified me too much to use it. Of doing it wrongly. Of disappointing everyone around me.

Now I wish I could, to take care of so many here. So many need it, and I fear I can never do enough. But... maybe that is just living? Always thinking of what we could do.

I think it's normal to be afraid of something like that. Especially when you're young and learning.

( it's a rare person that wants to use their power to harm, at least in the beginning. the ones that do tend to be broken to begin with. )

I'd like to hear more of your home, one day.

[ an hour or so after this.

So very calm, and so very polite: ]

... Aristaeus.

I need someone to sit with me, while I get very, very, very drunk. Until I cannot feel a thing anymore.

And stop me from doing anything I should not, most importantly, while I do that.

I can be there in ten minutes. ( less than if he really tries — which he will, because it's gilia. )

Tell me what happened. ( if this is about the tailor, or any of the other townsfolk — well. he might need to bump up his eta a little. )

Cesare and I ended things. For good. We cannot console what we truly are. I can be no more singular than he can be many.

[ Deep breathe. ]

If I go to town and watch everyone have what I cannot, I will scream until I rip them apart. If I stay here alone, I will weep until I drown us all.

I'm sorry, Gilia.

( the little he's seen of cesare hadn't done much to endear him, of course, but he can hear the raw pain in her voice. knows just how deeply it must cut her, giving him up. )

I'll stay with you as long as you need.

Thank you.

[ that's all she can truly feel beyond choosing to be numb. ]

The... the tree was me. When you get here. Not... a yeti, or some other foul beast of the void.

Of course.

( they're practically family, he'd told her once; he'd meant it. whatever else had happened would be dealt with as soon as he got there. )

That's good. With how the Void was encroaching on the town earlier this month, I wouldn't put it past some of the creatures to try their luck. ( it was at least part of the reason he'd been spending more time outdoors: keeping an eye out for anything venturing too close to their homes. )

I was thinking about getting the cabin warded. ( idly, he gathers his things, packing them away in his sling bag. )

I am not surprised, either. Seems the land is sick, sometimes, and sick animals are desperate.

[ Or is it? Who knows. ]

I know Ianthe does them. I could ask her for you?

There's definitely something to this place. ( it hadn't escaped his notice how the void fractures had appeared during the duchess' illness. )

Murphy wants them to be able to keep back John Gaius. ( which will make things complicated with mavis. ) And he's Ianthe's leader, isn't he? I wouldn't want to cause her trouble.

Thank you though, Gilia.

... She knows my feelings about Gaius.

[ AWKWARD COUGH. ]

But she loves me as I love her, I know if I were to request it, as a favour to me on Murphy's behalf, she would honour it as that. Then neither she nor Mavis would be in an imposition or insult.

... But if not her, Madam Maximoff or Doctor Strange would both perhaps have such skills?

Edited 2024-04-16 05:52 (UTC)

You don't like him.

( a question as much as a statement. but it makes sense, he supposes, particularly after the entire slender debacle. )

I considered asking Doctor Strange for help since he seemed open to it before, but I don't know him too well.

[ Understanding only too well that her opinion is not often shared. ]

We have... fundamental differences in rulership.

[ That will do!! ]

... I can say I know him some, at least, well enough I call him friend. But he is a good man, and thoughtful, if you were to ask him, he would be sure not to say no...

... And if not, say that it is a favour to me.

Mavis is fond of him, Gaius. ( for his part, he'd been ambivalent. john gaius was powerful, that much had always been clear to him, but other than that he was a slippery sort. difficult to pin down.

it makes him cautious.

but gilia's answer begs more questions. he sets these aside for now, pulling the door to the cabin shut behind him and locking it. )

I'll mention the offer to her, see what she thinks. ( while the cabin will need to be warded, he won't act against her wishes if it can be avoided. )

Many are, yes. He is a charming man, who is easy to like.

[ TIPTOE, but as Quentin had worked out, there was nothing more telling than Gilia's absent opinion on her lack of a favourable one. ]

I am always happy to help. [ But - he had always known she would. ] I shall see you soon?

I know you are. ( a smile in his voice, fond. it was one of the reasons her message concerned him — she was much too good, much too kind, to endure any sort of heartache as far as he was concerned, much less at the hands of someone like cesare borgia. )

On my way to you now; won't be too long. ( he's moving at a rapid clip, long legs eating up the ground. ) I'll knock.

Until then.

[ She leaves it there, where she sits nursing her glass in slow long mouthfuls where she drains the heavy liquor in sips. It is easy to see what she meant when he does arrive, the felled tree in the yard was shattered, as if hit by the great force, splintered in the shatter at the base, laying flat across the yard like a toppled grave-marker.

When she hears the knock, it is an empty expression that greets him, her skin a pallid tone of exhaustion, that strained red of her eyes in the dim fire-light of the room. Her daygown wraps her shapeless but comfortable over her shift, her hair loose in one long braid, and the air is thick with sea-salt. Waving him in, she does her best attempt to be something like cordial. ]

Thank you. Would you... would you like anything? I have food made, or uhm - [ Shuts her eyes, struggles hard to think it through, as if there could not be more a sign of state than how courteous she always tried to be, and yet how little she could muster the order she knew to do it in. ] - uhm, something to warm you?

( it would be wrong to say that he doesn't clock the tree immediately, doesn't wonder just what circumstances led to such destruction. but he sets aside those concerns for now.

gilia opens the door when he knocks, and he places a hand on her shoulder before she can even get to mentioning food. )

I'll have whatever you're having. ( she'd called for companionship, after all, and while the alcohol will do nothing for him, she certainly doesn't need to know that.

musters a smile and a nod, then follows her inside, pulling the door shut behind him. sets down his bag and begins to toe off his boots. )

[ Really, it was better than only one of them was affected, or more exactly - be this much of a mess.

She is swaying that little bit, her dress falling loose from one shoulder as she took him over to the long lounge chair that was her, and then Gala's, makeshift bed. On the fireplace there was stew still warm, and one empty, and another, half full, set of bottles on the top of the mantle that truthfully - if he's having what she's having: it was that. ]

You really did not have too, come all at once. If Murphy or - Mavis need of you, of course, you need not stay or -

[ Fishing the bottle, she takes a spare cup and pours it for him - deep as she had been pouring it for herself. ]

... I just... you are often, the one who is so much like me. Different, but you do not... do as they do, here, or like everyone else's home, and I just could not bare it - right now.

They'll be fine. If they need me, they know how to reach me. ( mavis needed space right now, time to process a long-overdue revelation, and murphy was keeping an eye on her in the meantime. the last thing either of them probably needed or wanted was for him to hover.

he settles into the lounge chair, stretching out his long legs. when she passes him the cup, he'll accept it gratefully. )

How's your friend from home been coping? ( tipping the glass back against his lips, he feels the warmth of the alcohol spread through him as he waits for her answer. )

[ She sits beside him, facing him. One leg curling under her comfortably to just - attempt to be relaxed as best she can. Something strange about a hurt that is old and yet new, and somehow never healed in between. ]

As well as can be expected. She worries for me constantly. It's like she thinks something will happen to me if she turns her back on me.

[ There is everything that has happened in the caves. But she is still processing that, for another day. ]

I sent her away earlier, before I knew Cesare was coming. If nothing else, I worried she would have run him through.

That would've made conversation difficult.

( privately, he thinks cesare might've benefitted from some light stabbing — but... well. gilia still cared for him, enough to send him away when things became tenuous. he'd do his best to respect that. )

Personally, I think we often underestimate you, Gilia. ( that's one of the reasons she'd stuck under the radar as a proxy for so long. nobody could fathom her being capable of such violence. more the fool them. ) Look at all you've accomplished since coming here.

[ She takes another mouthful, pulling a face as she does before she covers her mouth to get it down with a ragged breathe. ]

What is that, Aristaeus? I fear I cannot see naught but my failures, my wrongs, and how pride has got me a broken heart. Trying to put in parts that do not fit and call it contentment.

You pulled me from that dream in the Void.

( they haven't talked about this, not since it happened. he's always been unsure how to approach the topic — whether it would be welcomed at all. part of him feels exposed, ashamed of what she might think in light of what she now knows — or thinks she knows.

but the fact remains that he would have stayed behind there, would have lost his tenuous grip on sanity, if she hadn't snapped him out of it. )

You opened my eyes to something incredible, something I'm still trying to process. It's a bit of a mind-bender, but I'm thankful nonetheless.

[ Her eyes well, for that, not in pain or misery, but to know she had helped him, it felt so good to hear that for once she had done something right when her life felt so long a series of mistakes. ]

I was never sure if I wanted to tell you I am glad you came back with us, or to say sorry. I know - I know many would not understand it... but I know a different sort of connection, and how much it hurts to be pulled away.

My people are born that way — connected. Some handle the distance better than others, but extended separation is always a struggle, even for the more resilient among us.

( he takes another sip from his cup, trying to find the right words to explain himself.

her likening slender's control to a song lingers in his thoughts: beautiful yet terrible, its absense more of a torment than a comfort. )

I've been away from my home for a long time. And knowing that I can't ever truly go back doesn't make the loss any easier. But I don't blame you for what you did. It was necessary.

Edited 2024-04-22 15:50 (UTC)

It might have been, but it felt no kindness.

[ She extends herself to lean on the back of the lounge to face him. ]

Perhaps because I know it differently but well. Every day I wake, and I cannot find the sea. I walk on this river and I want to weep. Only in those dreams did... did I have it again, or elsewise, the longing was gone from me.

[ She picks at a thread on her gown. ]

Do you ever worry that all of this, lovers and friends, it is simply seeking to drown the ache? Some missed placed attempt when the truth is, you shall never find that again?

( he twists the cup around in his hands, feeling the smooth surface against his fingertips. )

Often.

( it didn't escape his notice that the dynamic between him, mavis, and murphy echoed the one he'd had with ione and leto — at least in the most general sense.

it also didn't bring him comfort. ) I know myself well enough by now to understand that I either love or I don't, there's no middle ground. And I'd rather have them than be alone.

I thought I did.

[ She keeps picking, fidgetting. ]

I thought I was doing what I had to. To keep myself safe and calm my Sea and its longing. But... but Queen Alicent said that I had given Cesare insult beyond words that no one could accept. That he wouldn't, and couldn't move past. They all said the same thing, that it was about one person, and utmost loyalty to the one person.

[ She sets her chin. ] ... and I ignored it and ignored what they all said... and now... is the fault mine? Am I too selfish in my desires? How can it be love if all I do is hurt those I say I love?

[ The tears are there again, as she hastily swallows down another mouthful. ] But I do not know how to be other than this. I was raised to be many. To be part of all those around me, and to give as the Sea gave to me. To share in all things but... but if it is selfishness...?

Edited (hit enter too early!!) 2024-04-22 17:43 (UTC)

Cesare seems very thin-skinned from what I've seen. ( frankly, although not unkindly.

he'd been like a porcupine on the network, easily provoked into showing his bristles. a generous man would recognize the insecurity beneath this, but he wasn't feeling particularly generous. )

Did he ever express his feelings to you about the others? It seems he just assumed that your ways were his ways and never bothered to look beyond that.

He did, and then he didn't.

[ She kept her eyes down. ]

He said that was how it works, but in the same, he shared me with Sweeney. He told me it was supposed to be one couple, but that men could have many mistresses if they liked, but women could not?

Then Ianthe wanted to share me, and so I thought he would be fine with it, as he shared me gladly with Sweeney, but then he wasn't because he did not like Ianthe. We quarrelled. We have kept quarrelling ever since.

So you were his mistress not his wife.

( there's some genuine confusion here. he's not claiming to be an authority on marriage — his culture doesn't engage in such practices, and mavis' account of her culture's practices had always been a little lacking — but he understood partnership,, and this seems unfairly tilted in cesare's favor. )

He can't say you're his equal and then not treat you that way, Gilia.

That is where I often felt confused. [ There is relief in her gaze as he speaks, glad at least that her confusion was shared. ]

I do not know. He kept insisting I was his wife, always his wife. That we would be together as such. Our vows were sacred to him. About what loyalty meant. But we never really agreed what we would be us, now, here. So I just - kept going as I did.

But - [She shuts her eyes, shudders at the idea. ] - He was not like some warned. Some said women are property in their home. They trade them in marriage bed like cattle to make children.

( another slow sip from his cup, drawing out the moment. letting her have the room to speak, because he suspects she hasn't had much opportunity to do that lately.

finally: ) So being a wife obviously means something different to him. ( not an unforgivable sin, but — ) But it seems like you're doing all the sacrificing and getting next to nothing back. No wonder you're unsatisfied.

Very much. I have insulted him and hurt him deeply with my actions. Such that he cannot be with me in any form, and trust me.

[ She can't help but move closer - more than anything it made her feel so lonely, so empty, and she brushes her shoulder against his as she settles in beside him. ]

I could not make it understand - that what I am... it needs more, that I crave those moments, of endless connection to be part of the whole, how it keeps the part of me unearthly in balance. My monster has taught me well, how endless my desires, how they could as easily kill. But he found nothing holy in that communion, in my way of being.

( his hand rests on her knee as he turns his head to meet her gaze, holding it steadily. )

Where do you think your responsibilities lie? ( the most pressing question. she turned to him for comfort and understanding, worried about what she'd do in her despair — and, judging by that tree outside, those concerns were more than justified. )

Because I think you already know the answer; you just need someone else to give you permission to accept it.

Edited 2024-04-24 18:28 (UTC)

[ She does, and it makes her tears well up, the unhappiness of it all. ]

With my duty, with my people, to never let any of you come to harm. That I swore with annoited oil on my brow, salt water on my lips.

[ Then she buries her face into his shoulder and hides the weeping there, shuddering shoulders. ]

I just wanted to be happy, Ari, I wanted to be happy.

( as gilia cries, his hand sweeps from her knee to her shoulder, tucking her closer. )

I'm sorry he couldn't do that for you, Gilia. ( she'll be better off without him in the long run, but that doesn't mitigate the pain of this moment. nor does it make it any less unfair that this is probably not the last time she'll weep like this. )

[ Its a stupid idea - but she cannot bear this emptiness all over again, this hurt, clawing out of her stomach like bilge water rot.

But she lifts her head and finds his mouth, driving into him in a too sharp kiss that is tearful and desperate. The sharp taste of drink and all her hurt heart. A slant of her body into his that is badly planned out and off angle as she just tries to breath against his lips. Center herself. Or center it on him, for better or worse. ]

( he freezes.

brows drawing down in surprise as he registers what she's done. her mouth tastes like salt, like liquor, and he can feel the desperation in every breath she takes against his lips.

was this the plan all along? does it even matter?

when they pull away for breath, he slips a hand around the nape of her neck, keeping her still. )

Where's your bedroom?

[ There is every chance he rejects her - they had bedded each other only once, after all, and she had been blindfolded, who was to say he even wanted anything else? Not to mention - a drunken, tearful mess might not be what he preferred in lovers, reasonably.

But he doesn't pull away and the tension seeps out of her, even as the second guessing creeps in. Her hands slip over his shoulders, her body relaxing. ]

Upstairs. [ She keeps her eyes lowered. ] I don't want to frighten you. I'm not... I'm not in control, right now.

( gilia, please. as if that's any way to discourage him. )

I think I'll manage. ( he's bedded much stranger things than her since coming here — had enjoyed it too, but that's really beside the point. she's the one in need of a distraction, and this can't be worse than spending an evening drinking away her sorrows. )

So — ( he sets aside his cup, still half-full. ) why don't you show me the way?

[ How readily she gives that reassurance, how gladly she takes it, and that's another sign of her selfishness too.

Pulling up to be sure, her gaze flicks between his as she swallows to find her words. He could leave, she reminds herself. He is no slight man, not inclined to do other than what he wills. He would not stay, would not embrace her, if he did not want too. ]

If... if you're sure... uhm... [ She worries her lips together in a thin line before she gathers up the skirts of her dress out of her way to stand up on shakey legs, less to do with drink and more with nerves. ] This way.

[ She offers a hand to him, beckoning him to follow. There is only one set of stairs after all, at the back of the room, the whole house truly only two rooms in total, not much to get lost in. ]

( gilia slips her fingers through his. leading him through the room and up the staircase in the back.

any hesitation she'd had earlier is gone, but he stays close.

presses her against the stairs' last curve and kisses her again. swallows down the soft, startled noise she makes. )

[ Her fingers curl and grip, smooth and savour, the sounds softly smothered of pleased happiness, the sensation of communion so savoured. Everything grounding to be so painfully real, and here, and consuming. ]

Take it away, please. [ She breathes it, prayer like, into his lips. ] I hurt, I am so tired of hurting. I miss feeling whole.

[ Beyond the open doorway of the upstairs room, is a huge bed built into the walls to make an alcove of the space. A small heating fireplace sits on one wall, with a pile of blankets and furs in front of it. But she directs him soundly to that bed, and that warm space that seems to take up most of the space - given that it is made for someone taller even, than she is. ]

That's the plan. ( simple but earnest. there's not much he can do for her now, not when she'd already done the hardest thing, but he if he can soothe that ache even a little then he will. of course he will — how can he not?

they half walk, half stumble to the bed. gilia falling back into the pile of blankets and he follows soon after, covering her body with his own. )

No more thinking of him. ( his mouth brushes over the jut of her clavicle, the soft line of her jaw. ) Only me, only this.

[ She nods all too obediently, all too ready to take his lead when it gives her freedom from this pain, for however long. Her head turns up, warm into kissing him, breathing him in as he does the same in turn.

Her hands are still soft, curious things. Gentle how they touch, tentative as she explores. Yes, she has laid with him, and yes it was debauched, but she is still that quiet woman even now that felt shy in the face of her own honest desire. In the face of someone so handsome and so sure of himself. To want to please him maddeningly so. She runs across his back, his shoulders, into his hair as she brushes her lips to his throat, the shell of his ear where she hid her little hitches of breath at his touch. Encouraging as much as she can, responding as much as she dared. ]

Good girl. ( murmuring against her lips, pleased by her ready compliance. he's used to fighting for obedience, finding pleasure in the challenge, but there's something to this quiet ease, too.

as her fingers roam his back through the faded flannel of his shirt, she might sense something strange — a cool, smooth texture unlike the usual bony ridges of his spine. three small, evenly spaced divots roughly the size of a fingernail mark each interval, running the length of his back. )

Now, help me get out of this shirt.

[ His praise is so craved, so intensely, it runs down her spine like hot oil, coating her senses. The whimper fills the space as she grips her fingers to his shoulder blades, not trusting her voice then. So curious and eager to find out all those dips and ridges, if he liked to be touched on those strange markings she can feel as she lingers. ]

O-of course.

[ Laying back flat below him so she can reach up, there is a care and reverence to even that. Her cheeks burning that somehow some one is going to snatch her hands away from something so wonderful she surely cannot deserve. Each button carefully undone, but quickly. Then hasty hands that are so eager to run all over him in the guise off pushing the shirt off his body, aiding his however needed to work in eager tandem. ]

You are so handsome - [ She sighs, struck by it not for the first time. ] - like paintings, like stories.

( her fingers clutch at his shoulders, and he leans in, capturing her mouth, tasting that soft whisper of wine still on her lips. a hand brushes over the curve of her cheek, tracing over the delicate line of her jaw, before tangling in the soft strands of her hair.

he allows himself to savor this in a way he hadn't before, when they'd been pinned under the gaze of ianthe tridentarius. this is their moment, a brief escape from all constraints and expectations. )

[ It felt so wonderful to be trapped under his broader form, and be able to truly appreciate it this time. The curved muscles that flex below his skin, the warm breath that trickles down her throat, and she rises into it. Soft drags and pulls of her hips lifting into him that are rhythmic encouragement for more, always more.

Useful too, all that squirming, her shift begins to work loose, dragging down her shoulders little by little, but caught where their bodies press together. The long skirts pooling at the top of her thighs as she lifts her knees to bracket him into her. Exposing bare brushes of skin at the edges to brush against his and tingle all the way through. ]

( he meets her movement, pressing his body closer to hers, deepening the contact between them. without breaking the kiss, he trails a hand down to her leg, sliding it along her thigh and using the leverage to lift it further. the fabric of her shift bunches around her hips, the delicate material caught between their bodies.

his other hand moves to her waist, fingers splaying across her lower back to support her and keep her close. )

[ It makes her gasp, her eyes fluttering closed, her hands on his back fisting up tightly with the contact. Grasping and pulling, fitfully, as she realises there is too much between them. She wants to touch him, everywhere, and all over, fighting against the urge to have him keep touching her. Her thighs parting readily, a whine and a buck against his hand that makes her pull on his shirt up, wanting to get her hand underneath. ]

Would you assist me with something?

What's the problem?

Daryl's been killed. He asked me to come get him, before the spiders did.

You need someone to carry the body?

I need help finding him.
He's not where he was trying to tell me he would be. Or I've done a poor job following his direction and veered off in error.

Edited 2024-04-14 19:05 (UTC)

Someone must've moved him.
Where are you now?

In town, for the moment.

I'm gathering a few others. And Aemond has offered me some watchmen.

If any of them are Zlatniki, it could complicate taking control of the body.

( but if whatever's taken daryl's body isn't a person but a thing, the extra bodies might be useful. )

I'll meet you at the gate.

I'll manage that possibility.

Thank you.

Of course.

[ it's been bothering her since the festival in february. these thoughts that her understanding of her clan is wrong, somehow. that there is something she's missing. there is only one person she can ask, so— ]

did my clan have furor
all of them

[ he would have known how to look, how to detect it. he would have felt it in them, even if theirs was weaker than hers. ]

do all of the clans

Most people have a bit of furor, but it's such a small amount it's barely noticeable — to them or others.

Why ask this now?

billy thought it was something we all had
i corrected him
because i was exiled for having it
but i was the one who was wrong
they exiled me but they had it too
it was how they connected with the lynxes

The lynxes too, probably. Based on what you've said, they seem more intelligent than most animals.

they dont know
none of them do
they do not think of it that way
as furor

Perhaps they did, once, but it would have been a long time ago.

it was for nothing

What was for nothing?

my exile
it was because of what i saw
the jarl called me kossian
he said i was not kuruko
because kuruko did not have furor

He was afraid.
Then, and when we came to him.

he was a hypocrite
he said i could not be one of them
but he had the same power
they all did

Yes.
He was afraid of you, of what you could become. But I guess killing a child outright would've been too much for him. It was easier to let the desert do the hard work, then he'd be blameless.

but he was the same
we were the same
he said i could not be one of them but we were the same

Where are you right now, Mavis?

peaks

[ welcome to mavis' intrusive thoughts while hunting/gathering ]

The usual place?

( he's grabbing a bad and getting ready to head out to join her. )

And it was wrong, what he did. Whether or not you were the same.

he was the jarl
the jarl decides what is wrong

[ she doesn't answer the rest because at this juncture she is spiral dissociating into her little rut of irreconcilable truths. ]

He's still just a man, Mavis. Men can be wrong.

You tell me I'm wrong all the time.

you are not the jarl
your head is full of the metal gods lies
he was jarl because of how much he knew and because we all knew his judgment was good

He was just a man, Mavis.
And a coward.

i dont understand
it was for nothing

It was.
If he'd kept you with him, kept you safe, maybe he would have lived.

[ she has long thought this. that if she had been there, she could have done something to prevent it. they'd have stood a chance. she has never considered before that it was not her failing that kept her from being there, but the jarl's. that he was the one who doomed their people, out of hypocrisy and cowardice.

it makes her useless. frozen by the senselessness of it all, by the sudden deluge of grief that she has postponed her whole life. the tears come quietly at first, but she can't stop them, and they only escalate into tremulous sobs that rack her whole body. she is made weak by the injustice of it. the gaping sense of loss not just of her people and her place among them, but loss of her orientation around a world that made sense, that had ascribed a logic to her suffering.

she tries to reply, but her thoughts can't cohere into words. ]

( he stops what he's doing—freezes, more or less, caught off-guard by the influx of emotion. grief. terrible, overwhelming grief the likes of which he'd barely understood before coming here.

now, he did, and the helplessness he feels in the face of it is unbearable. )

I'm sorry, Mavis. ( if he could, he'd hold her now. would pull her tight against his chest and bury his face in her hair. he can't do that — not yet. words will have to do. )

I'm sorry so many have failed you. You deserved better.

[ it's a cold comfort. condolences for damage that can't be undone, a life that can't be salvaged. years lost, and for what? nothing. there had been no purpose. no real argument to support her exile.

the response can hardly be called that. it's not a message so much as her own thought, revisited over and over, but finally able to surface as something intelligible that boils down at the root of all of this: it's not fair. ]

It never was.

[The day before the Duchess' dinner, two wooden boxes are left on the dresser in the bedroom, a note in Rubean saying Ari propped against one, and a note saying Mavis with a cat shape scribbled next to it propped against the other.

Inside the one intended for Aristaeus, a bracelet and an ear cuff sit carefully placed in the centre.

Who they're from and what they're for is likely obvious, but nothing else has been left with them.]

( it's a novel experience, getting a gift, much less gifts as lovely as this. )

How did you know blue was my color?

[Subdued, wary, the usual back and forth is difficult, but,]

Anything's your colour.

You haven't seen me in mustard yet.
They're beautiful.
Thank you, John.

They're for tomorrow. If you want to wear them. I'm going to be wearing something that matches.

I'll wear them.

Okay.

[Is that enough? He should say something more.]

I'm glad you like them.

You've got good taste.

Aristeaus, I have a task for you if you'd like to assist in the creation of a decorative accessory for Mavis to wear at the upcoming festivities.

Of course, Ianthe.
How can I help?

I would like you to either hunt an animal in the woods that you feel represents Mavis and bring me its bones or procure a human hand. The hand is preferable but hard to obtain legally. I can work with either.

Is there a reason a hand is preferable?

( idly curious; he's never given much thought to the aesthetics of something like this, but ianthe's interest clearly extends beyond mere functionality. )

Phalanges - finger bones - are typically used in jewelry wren bones are incorporated. It's also efficient as the hand has the most amount of individual bones in a localized area of the body.

So it opens up more options. Makes sense.

I'd offer mine, but I'm not really up for regenerating limbs right now. Do you have a preference on the animal?

No. If I'm using an animal, I'd like it to be symbolic. I trust your choice.

I'll find something suitable.
Where do I deliver it?

My house works fine. I'm spending a lot of time on my porch to keep the damn goat from chewing on my furniture.

that woman at the moot said i was dangerous
i need a way to stop this
for when you are not near enough to knock me out

Edited 2024-06-21 01:00 (UTC)

You need a dampener.

( simple, matter-of-fact. it's the only thing he can think of right now that's not just sure to work but to work quickly. )

i will not be able to defend myself
i will not be able to hear you

Not if we use the metal I've got. The composition is different. It won't cut you off, but it'll hopefully level you out.

the metal you have
the metal from the wilds

[ the reason kossos was terrorizing the clans. ]

the metal they will put on me after you bring me back

Some of it.
We use it in the implants.

it is dangerous

Most things are if you don't use them properly.

no
dangerous to you
to fuck with it

I'm willing to take my chances.
Worse case scenario, I die and the Duchess puts me back together.

no

And you're not leaving, so.
We're at an impasse.

aristaeus

Mavis.

i am tired of hurting people

Then let me do this for you.

no
i will find a way that will not hurt you

Leaving will hurt me.

see reason

Fuck reason.

if murphy had been there he would be dead

But he wasn't.

he could be next time

Not if we do things my way.

your way will kill you

And I'll come back.

no
i do not want this

What if I can reduce the risk?

how

We just take a small part. Somewhere in the lower back.

this does not sound less dangerous

It'll hurt but the damage won't be as serious as trying to take the whole thing. And even if the worse happens, I'll probably just ...wake up like last time.

i did not like last time

I didn't like it either.

i hate this

It won't be permanent.

i will try something else first

Edited 2024-06-22 19:26 (UTC)

Someone suggested meditation to me once.

i have heard this
i dont understand it

What it is or how it works?

how to do it
i cannot be still and think of nothing

You're not meant to think of nothing.
Remember that grounding technique we talked about? Five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste. Similar principle.

i forgot when i was talking to gabe

He accused you of something ugly and untrue. Of course you were upset.

is it untrue

I can't vouch for all the Kuruko, but I know it's not true about you.

mm

[ unconvinced. she moves the conversation back to a place where she can separate from it: ] i will figure out a way a way that doesnt hurt you

Fine, but you're not leaving either.
We'll figure this out together or I'll go straight to Ianthe.

ianthe will side with me

Then I'll dig it out myself.

do not make me challenge you for my freedom

You wouldn't.

Edited (wrong text oops) 2024-06-26 17:15 (UTC)

are you sure

Then at least speak to someone about it.
Someone like Yennefer or Stephen Strange.

i will do this.

Then I'll leave the metal for now.

I know you are no petty man to seek vengeance just to prove you can, so my words do not in truth need to be spoken. But I must, so that I know I did.

Never for me or because of me, do I want violence, and I wish no harm to come to Cesare Borgia.

I don't want a fight, but if he comes after any of my people, including you, there will be no place he can hide from me. That's a promise, Gilia.

Edited 2024-06-27 16:33 (UTC)

You are the better man, and always will be. I hate that I have to question your honour this way, and what this place has reduced it all down too.

But I never, never want violence done on my account. I would rather take the suffering a dozen times than add to the misery this place thrives in.

I respect the sentiment.

( and he does, genuinely, even if he doesn't fully agree with her view. as far as he's concerned, cesare borgia is a puffed up little toad not fit to kiss her feet. )

But it seems like you're suffering regardless. And that isn't fair.

That is my own folly. One of these days, my heart will not bleed so.

I hope that day is a long way off.

[ With the same message she sends to both Aristaeus and Mavis. ]

I must come to you in penance, for I have wronged one of your household. In trying to bind Daniel Johnson for his crimes, I made him swear oath to John Murphy, and in doing so, bound the three of us.

I seek no excuse, and ask no mercy for my crime. I wish only to atone for wronging him, and with it, yourselves as those who care for him.

You bound the three of you.

( he echoes, slowly, like he's trying to connect the dots and reach whatever conclusion she'd intended. )

How?

... A blood oath.

It is sworn upon one's life, one's eternity. In short, it carves the soul.

( oh, but this sounds all too familiar. the shape of it, at least, if not the specific details. )

So you can't reverse it.

No.

[ There lies the problem, isn't it? ]

I intended it only to bind Daniel to Murphy, so he could never betray him as he did Quentin, and however many others as he has done.

[ She swallows. ]

... But my rage seems to have... have deepened it far beyond what I intended.

Did Murphy know?

No, neither of them did. I ambushed them.

When I did it, I felt betrayed enough that I did not care. I offer no excuse other than to say hurt guided my actions.

Because of Cesare.

( it has to be cesare, right? about the murder. can he really blame her for the anger, even if he doesn't care for the guy himself? in her place, wouldn't he have sought vengeance for his loved ones? )

Does Murphy know now? About the bond. ( because ultimately it will come down to what murphy thinks, won't it? )

Right or wrong, Cesare was my husband, and I love him. I never wanted him hurt. I will never want violence. Murphy knew that. Daniel knew that.

[ But had they cared? Had they thought of when she woke, heard such things had been done?

Why would they care? ]

He does. He says that he needs time to adjust to it. To understand what has been done.

( he could argue with her. a part of him wants to, honestly, because there's no way cesare could consider himself the wounded party, not with what's been revealed. but gilia hadn't known that at the time, he assumes. couldn't have with how horrified she'd been. )

He didn't say anything. ( a note of confusion, now. light, but there.

was he ever going to say anything? or was this just another danny situation, where he swallowed it down until it exploded. )

I told him not to. The fault, the deed, is mine. Much as my desire was, at it's truth, to protect him, safe guard him against that - wretch of a creature.

[ It's hissed, vicious, hungry, furious, that slow wrap of poison tendrils that has ensnared her heart. ]

The wrong too, is mine.

I don't think he wants to be protected from him, Gilia.

He can no more see his faults, I suspect, than I could stop what lay between Cesare and I.

[ But she needs to admit it, the vindictiveness that had laid at the core of it. ]

That is what I laid upon him, bound by all our blood.

Daniel must always be loyal to Murphy and must never betray him.

Or he will be damned for this life and every life afterwards, to always lose Murphy.

I hope your oath has a flexible definition of betrayal.

That - that is for Murphy's heart to decide. As per these oaths, it is the person who is betrayed whose emotion decides what is and is not a betrayal.

[ So as long as Daniel doesn't break Murphy's heart, they're good right??? ]

And your involvement doesn't complicate that?

As it stands I am not sure what part of it has connected to me. Whether it is the vow itself, or only that to hold them to it, part of me has entwined to them.

I feel them both, now.

That can't be easy.

( danny, is after all, crazier than a box of frogs. )

It was certainly not the outcome I wanted, by any means.

I believe you.

Edited 2024-07-06 14:30 (UTC)

But I am sure...

... I am sure with time, if I could manage containing the sea inside of myself....

... I can come to reign in the impulses of Daniel Johnson.

[ Fathomless, bottomless pit of a creature that he is. ]

Edited 2024-07-06 14:34 (UTC)

( sincerely: ) I think you're way too optimistic, but I'd be thrilled to be proven wrong.

I must hope.

All else lays in despair, and that must not happen.

Well, if I can help in any way, you know how to reach me.

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